Wait! My Pet is my Girlfriend?!

This Is The End

001

London.
The River Thames.
Tower Bridge.
Sunset.

"Here we are today at the Tower Bridge where its nearing dusk now and the man still hasn't come down. The London Fire Brigade still hasn't made a move and neither have the police. Any sorts of negotiation with the suicide attemptee only prompting him even further to take the leap."

"Here we go to Yohan for a comment on the jumper."

"Please, mum you've got to save my friend Jack. I know he don really got much to live for but hes an aright man really. He just lost his girlfriend and i don think id be going to heaven at all, i don wan Rosa killin me in hell for not looking out for Jack."

Rosa.

A four letter word that slips out of my mouth like the softest petals she is.

Rosa.

Her lips as red as rosa, petal like rosa.

Rosa.

"My perrito petal rosa"

"Oi, pendejo. I'm not your perrito and that's not how you use the word perrito."

Rosa?

"Hahaha, then how do you use the word perrito?"

"Well, I might look latina but I don't actually speak Spanish. But even then, I know perrito means puppy!"

"You're not my puppy? Also, how do you know then that perrito means that if you don't speak Spanish hmm?"

We were sitting on a bench, surrounded by roses. She plucks one nearby.

"I watched some Dora when I was younger, and no I'm not your puppy. If anything, I'm more like a cat or I'd rather be a cat."

She carefully puts the rose behind my ear, making me look gay af, making me feel gay af.

"There. Now you have a Rosa"

And with her red petal-like lips, she smiles at me but the wind blows everything away. It blows right through me. The cold gale whipping around me, reminding me I'm still on top of Tower Bridge. Rosa is gone and there's nothing more that I can do.

I draw a breath from my cigarette and blow it out into the wind that also flutters up my dress' skirt.

"The transvestite man is confirmed to be Jack Dawn, boyfriend to Rosa Baresco who has been listed as one of the missing persons since the appearance of the Gates."

A tall guy in a down jacket squeezes next to reporter to speak into her microphone, "No, me mate's not trans thas jus his lass' clothes she was las wearin, it's over the top though that he took me dam heels. If he doesn die from drowning in the Thames, I'll kill him for waterloggin my Louboutins!"

The reporter pushes the scowling man away, "Thank you, Mr. Yohan for your comments. The Police are on their way up the Tower Bridge now to rescue Mr. Jack Dawn."

"Mum!"

I turn my head to the side to see a policeman slowly balancing his way to me.

Well... time to go.

I lift a heeled foot to step forward but the police officer screams at me to stop, "Wait, mum!"

I stop and stamp my foot back in place, "What?! What is it?"

"We can fix this, mum. Everything's going to be alright. Just come closer here."

I want to believe this police officer. I want everything to be alright. I want to wake up to the reality of my girlfriend in my arms instead to the empty cold flat we used to call our home.

I tuck my non-existent long hair back flatteringly but reply in snark, "Aw, thanks sweetie but I'm not a ma'am. I'm a just dude trying to die in the scent of his girlfriend and the free wind. So before you remind me of my fear of heights, I'm just going to go now. I ain't no pussy."

MEOOOOOWW! HISSSSSS!

And as I try to take a step forward into the cold water of the Thames, on the other side of me I see a Tuxedo cat struggling in another police officer's arms.

"Cookie? Wait! That's my girlfriend's cat! I thought he was gone with her!"

I try towards to the other officer holding my girlfriend's cat but stumble in these gay ass 5 inch heels. I feel the wind whipping around me as my friend Yohan's Louboutins has just caused me the regret of a lifetime. As gravity was unwittingly pulling me away from Cookie and that officer, only one thought was going through my head.

If Cookie is still here, Rosa must be too.

But this is the end.

She's going to kill me for taking her favorite dress.

Well, sorry I can't do the laundry anymore.

I feel a rush and a splash into the icy cold water that tastes like Sprite.

Wait... Sprite?

[WELCOME, PLAYER]

[Registering as a PLAYER... Please input your name.]

[ | ]

[Detecting PLAYER unavailable for name input, the SYSTEM has named you by default.]

[Say STATUS to view your player status.]

[Detected JACK the PLAYER unavailable to view status. The SYSTEM cannot allocate the beginning stats if PLAYER is unavailable to view preliminary STATUS. Unavailable to continue registration.]

[Troubleshooting... SYSTEM has detected the PLAYER SPAWN SITE to be inconvenient for a newly registered PLAYER]

[You have been granted a temporary status effect of WATER BREATHING]

[WATER BREATHING:

Are you a water-bender? Kappa? Mermaid? No. You're an idiot PLAYER that spawned in the CARBON-ated Lake. Water-breathing is a temporary status effect by the SYSTEM. You can breath and talk just fine, so hurry up and say STATUS already!

Status Effect ends: when PLAYER reaches the surface]

"What?"

I'm starting to think I didn't die in the river Thames.

~~~~~ :-) ~~~~~

"Here we still are at the Tower Bridge where supposed suicide victim Jack Dawn almost took his life. Instead, Jack Dawn is now the victim of the very first mid-air horizontal gate. Authorities have closed off the rest of Tower Bridge and have contacted the Guilds for their assistance. We are currently being evacuated to a safer place as a resu- Hey! Wait! This is live telvision!"

"I'm sorry, mum you're going to hafta move on over. And you! Shut that cam!"

The reporter and her cameraman are pushed away into the flow of the leaving crowd, a little girl left crouching by the railings. The police officer spots the lost child but the girl just smiles as she disappears with the flowing crowd. Confused, the police officer is suddenly yanked by a sobbing tall man in a down jacket.

"It's over! My Louboutins are gone! Jack, if you ever make it out alive, you're gonna wish you didn. Officer! Kiss me! I'm so heartbroken, boohoo!"

"Get off me, twat!"

"You're right, officer. It's not over. My babies are gonna be fine. This isn't the end!"

This isn't the end.