A Few Hitches

Monday

## Monday.
Scene 1
[Tomlinson manor. Main foyer, 4:30PM. Mr. and Mrs. Tomlinson are talking. Louis' tip-toeing in the background.]

GWENYTH: (Fixing David's tie.) "We simply must attend Victor's charity auction this weekend—everyone who's anyone in the Hamptons will be there."

DAVID: "All right. It'll help with the elections, remind me to take some cue cards before we leave. And make sure we buy something expensive."

GWENYTH: "Of course. The voters'll eat that up."

DAVID: "Also, we need to avoid Victor's sister. Samantha, you remember her?"

GWENYTH: "I do," (Tightens David's tie, smiling sickly-sweet.) "I believe she's the one you had an affair with."

DAVID: "Yes, her! We must, at all costs, avoid her—I feel she's still a smidge salty about the whole 'affair' business."

GWENYTH: (Lets go of the tie, pats at the creases, still smiling.)"Not anymore. She's been rather pleasant since learning Amanda will be off to college soon—at zero percent financial aid, might I add."

DAVID: "Her daughter? You didn't." (Smirks, leans forward, kisses Gwenyth.) "I knew I married you for a reason."

GWENYTH: "Oh David, how you tease me." (Notices something from the corner of her eye, turns.)"Louis! Where are you sneaking off to?"

LOUIS: (Like a deer in headlights.) "Uh... to Luke's?"

DAVID: "You two must really be getting along well. True love birds, just like your mother and I."

GWENYTH: "Give our best to Luke, would you?"

LOUIS: "Yeah, of course. I'll just take the uh, car and get there and... give him your best." (Shuffles, avoiding eye-contact.) "Bye." (Scurries out the door.)

DAVID: (Once Louis' left.) "That was odd."

GWENYTH: "I read about this in that Having a Gay Child manual. He needs to know we support him "300%"."

DAVID: "What more can we do? We set him up with all his boyfriends. If that's not supportive I don't know what is."

GWENYTH: "He'll be fine. Get him something nice and he'll light up like a Christmas tree."

Scene 2
[Tony's Auto Garage. 5:00PM. Harry's working on the Porsche's engine. Louis walks in, inconspicuously. Sits down on the desk behind Harry.]

LOUIS: "How long will this take again?"

HARRY: "Oh god, why are you here already? I said a week, riches. Go home."

LOUIS: "I can't stay at home. I'm shit at lying; my parents would find out."

HARRY: "Yeah, you do suck at lying. You're also the mayor's kid."

LOUIS: "How did you know that?"

HARRY: (Head still under the car's hood.) "It's called Google."

LOUIS: "Huh. Whatever." (Looks around, swinging his legs back and forth, sighs audibly.) "Am I supposed to be doing something?"

HARRY: "No, wouldn't want those freshly manicured hands getting dirty."

LOUIS: "They're not—and either way, men get manis. That's why they're called man-icures and not woman-icures."

HARRY: (Looks up, turns to Louis, brow raised.) "That was single-handedly the gayest thing I've heard in my life."

LOUIS: (Shrugs.) "Comes with the territory." (Harry flattens his lips together, turns and continues working on the engine.) "So... what's it like to... work?"

HARRY: "Are you for real?" (Scoffs.) "It pays for food and helps me save up for college."

LOUIS: "That sounds cool."

HARRY: "Yeah, I eat every day, how cool am I."

LOUIS: "I didn't really know what else to say, so."

HARRY: "Then try not talking. The faster I fix this car, the faster you'll be gone."

LOUIS: "Well, that wasn't rude at all."

HARRY: "I'm not nice. Build a bridge and cross it. Or fall off and drown. I'd prefer you take the second opt."

LOUIS: (Gives Harry's back a venomous look, remembers it's pointless, sighs and continues swinging his legs.) "I want a cookie."

HARRY: (Rearranging wires.) "Okay?"

LOUIS: "Could you get me a cookie?"

HARRY: "Could you suck my dick?"

LOUIS: "What—no. Do you have cookies?"

HARRY: "Yeah, up my ass. Want some?"

LOUIS: "Wow, you are not a nice person... like, at all."

HARRY: "Which is what I said to you like, 5 seconds ago, like, totes, like."

LOUIS: "Ass."

HARRY: "Brat."

LOUIS: "I am not a brat."

HARRY: "Yeah, okay, riches."

LOUIS: "Why are you so mean?"

HARRY: "This isn't the Hamptons, sweet heart, I'm not predisposed to do whatever you want."

LOUIS: "Most people just do it instead of making such a huge deal out of it, you know."

HARRY: "Yeah, no—that's not happening. So sit down, shut up, and let me work on your car."

LOUIS: "I'm already sitting."

HARRY: "Then follow steps two and three."