Scarred Mind

chapter two

Fellow entities, I have decided to walk. Took my belongings. I'm walking now... At least I think I am...
It's a new sensation for every step that I think that I'm taking. A new scenery, a new headache...
Is that a human? Is that a god? Is that a decision? Is that a land? Is that a man?

Unaware, unamazed, disappointed.

I'm in sort of a maze, I feel it's not quite a solvable one. There's many people near me. But I believe there's no one here. How long have they been here? How long will I stay here?

I don't think that a selfish self-centered mold like you will wonder about my whereabouts, but I'll tell you nevertheless. I'm in an infinite darkness, I have no idea how I'm moving. There's a few sparkling white flames that show up every now and then. They hurt my eyes... You think that after a while you'll get used to this situation, that these flames will change or leave. They stayed. Nothing changes, everything stays the same.

There were many things that you've hurt me with, I never spoke about them, only hoped that they'll stop. Was I scared? Why was I scared? I was attached. Am I still attached? Why would I be? You're a liar, you're hurtful. I hate you, I despise you.

A part in me wants to kiss you, another part wants to destroy you and there's another part that just wants to know why, why all this...
It was fine by me to give you my all. But why must you end me? Why must you do this? Why did you end us like this? Why did you use me? Why were you hurting me?

You're a piece of shit, you're horrible.
Maybe I'm judging too fast... Maybe you had your reasons... Hold my hand and tell me that there was a cause. All I'm seeing is the result and never the cause.

I won't say I need you, I don't know what I need. I'm empty. Scratch the emptiness and you'll find injuries, you'll find your footprints. If I scratched your facade, will I be able to find the sweet child that once was there? You were hurt but it doesn't mean you have to throw your pain into the world. You needed a hug, that's all you needed. I could've gave you all what you need, you chose not to. You pushed me away, although you needed me.

I will find you and I will give you what you need. My sweet summer time.