State Of Mind (Stud4Stud)

Introduction

I abruptly awake from my sleep, the street lights peeking through the navy tinted windows. I move my hand over my face to shade my eyes from the brightness. I turn to the digital clock only to see the red numbers that read, '1:54 a.m.'

"No no. NO!" I jump up and grab handfuls of my hair pulling it outwards. "Why I hadda fucking come back here. Ion wanna be fucking wake." I pace back and forth through the room tugging at my hair. "I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here." I quit the pacing and open the drawer of the side table and pick up my eyebrow razor. I cut into my thigh, disturbingly smiling, as the red fades into view from the slit. I laugh as I continue, rapidly, covering the waist, the thighs, the arms with, soon-to-be, lasting scars. I throw the razor across the room and begin maniacally crying.

I randomly quiet down, lying on my back on the floor. The nerves in my body radiating a different type of pain; A pain shooting throughout my body, through each and every muscle and bone; but nothing compared to the agonization trapped in my head.

"Why did I have to wake up? I don't want to be here, I'm fucking trapped." I play with the red liquid covering my skin, creating all types of shapes. "We all bleed red don't we?" I chuckled. "Fuck her.".

I jump up and scan the room for the rubbing alcohol. I grab the fogged bottle and pour it over all the old and new ones. I consume the rest and threw the bottle back onto the ground. And soon enough, twice the amount of pain began to take over me.

I bang my head repeatedly against the cheap, plastic door. "Go. Away. Go away." I open the door and jog down the stairs. Fireworks exploding, bright and dull colors filling the sky. Each and every little sound overwhelming my hearing. I try looking up but the world has just begun to spin. Glass thrown by drunken old men now piercing through my slides and into the soles of my feet. The wind howled and flew around me, sending shivers all through me. Muffled Mexican music was audible from the houses behind me. Each street light radiating a different tint off my skin.

I slip on the wet mud but I just keep fucking walking. I kept walking parallel to the thick bushes and trees until I got to the corner store. I began shaking the door violently attempting to open it, but it was locked shut. I looked up at the 'closed' sign, then peered down at a piece of paper that read "Happy New Years!"

"Happy. Fucking. New. Years." I said mumbling; punching the glass door after every. recited. word.

I sat on the cold concrete leaning against the wall, while holding my face up with my sore hands.

Every little bit of pain taking over me. My world spinning.

"I love her.."

Those heavy words roll off my lips in the form of a whisper, whilst the darkness takes over and my world finally stopped spinning.

A year earlier..