The Double Life

chapter three

photo: Avril Lavigne as Natalie Maddison

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"Natalie get your ass in here before I come in there and drag you in here." Connor says from the kitchen. I'm laying on his living room couch while he's making cupcakes for us. he's more of the baking type than me so I left him to it. I guess he wants my help after all.

"don't get your panties in a twist Con. I'm coming." I say, getting up off the couch and walking into the kitchen.

"I don't need your sass. I'm the sass queen here. now mix this red food coloring into the icing." Connor says.

I've been questioning his sexuality for a while. he's never had a girlfriend. he seems to be attracted to Jesse, Jace, and Jace's friends more than me, Jenn and Andrea. he's also seemed to have a crush on our friend Troye for a while, but wouldn't admit it, claiming he's straight. but I can see the way he looks at troye, and trust me it isn't friendship, it's love. but I'll just wait until he decides to come out to me. I won't bring it up first.

"Natalie? Earth to Natalie." Connor says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"yeah sorry Con. just thinking about that home ec project coming up. I hope I get paired with you or Jenn." I say, lying through my teeth. he'll come around eventually.

just then, I get a text. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see its Jesse.

Jesse💯😏: I need you to come over. now.

me: why what's up?

I text him back quickly and get back to stirring in the food coloring. these cupcakes better be good or I'm gonna murder Connor's ass.

"good to know. I need to cover my ass or make good cupcakes." Connor says. well I guess I said that out loud.

Just then my phone vibrates again. I sigh, putting down the spoon I was stirring with and pulling my phone out again.

Jesse💯😏: parents getting a divorce.

shit. I turn to Connor. "hey con.. I have to go to jesse's. he's dealing with some stuff right now and needs me. are you good here?"

"yeah. text me if you need me. just stop by on the way home and I'll give you some of my masterpieces." Connor says, smirking. I take the spatula out of his hand, smack his ass with it, and walk out the front door.

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"Jesse?" I call into his house. I have my own key so I can go in whenever I please. I don't hear an answer back, so I walk in, shutting the door behind me. I walk towards the basement steps and that's when I hear it. sobs. I guess he's home alone.

I walk downstairs and see Jesse laying face down on the couch. guess I figured out where the sobbing is coming from. I sit down on the floor beside him and rub circles on his back. He looks up at me, sadness evident in his eyes.

"t-they were so happy.. I don't know what went wrong..." he drifts off.

"Jess, sit up." I say. he listens and I sit next to him on the couch, giving him a tight hug. he turns towards me and puts his head on my shoulder, crying harder. I just sit with him and let him cry. sometimes that's all you need.

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it takes about 20 minutes until Jesse's cries turn to hiccups. I'm sitting up on the couch and he's laying down, head in my lap. I'm messing with his hair in an attempt to calm him down.

"Natalie..." Jesse says, turning to look at me.

"yeah?"

"you can't tell anyone about this. if anybody found out I was crying I'd be bullied to no end. the Captain of the football team, star quarter back, crying over his parents?" Jesse says, getting worked up again.

"Jesse, shh. You'll be okay. your secret is safe with me. I'm just glad you called me and didn't try to deal with this yourself. you remember what happened last time you did that." I say.

I'm referring to when his uncle died and he shut me and everyone else out for two weeks. he was really close to him. turns out that in the time when he was isolating everyone, he was cutting himself.

Jesse subconsciously pulls his sleeves down. I eye him carefully before grabbing his arm. he tries to pull away, but he knows I can easily take him down. I pull his sleeve down, revealing at least 5 new cuts on each of his arms. He pulls away from me, shrinking away from me and to the other side of the couch. he buries his head in his hands.

I go over and sit on the floor in front of him. I take one of his hands and use my other one to tilt his chin up.

"Jesse, I love you. please don't ever cut yourself again. you can get through this. I'm here for you, and so are Connor, Jenn, And Andrea if you choose to tell them. but don't do it again because I wouldn't be able to live knowing my best friend killed himself by self harming and cutting too far. I wouldn't be able to go on without my best friend." I say, tearing up. his tears spill over as I blink to keep mine in.

"I love you too, Natalie. can we not tell them about this though?" he asks. I nod my head.

"whatever you want to do." I say, standing up. "do you wanna come over? you can stay the night. my parents are in Cancun on a business trip."

"okay. just warning you I've been having... nightmares..." Jesse says, sheepishly.

"it's okay. I'm here for you." I say, smiling at him. I reach out my hand to help him stand up. I go up the stairs and he follows me outside to my car.

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I stop at Connor's house like I told him I would. I open the door and walk into his kitchen. Then I see him and Our friend Troye sitting at the table, laughing and eating cupcakes.

"hey Natalie!" Troye says, noticing me.

"hey Troye."

"hey Nat. your cupcakes are on the counter." Connor says, gesturing towards the counter. I go over and grab them, say a quick goodbye, and head back to my car.

time for an interesting night with Jesse.