Habits [Romano x Reader]

Habits

Song - Habits by Maria Mena

I am a creature of habit.
And I move in circles around you.

The picture of you and Lovino struck a harsh chord in his heart, the memories delivering a crushing blow. His mistakes choking him. He had been ready to marry you, to live the rest of his life with you, but once he bought that ring – he was scared. Everyone in his life had left, everyone but you. That's what scares him the most. Lovino never meant to hurt you the way he did, and when you said "It's over isn't it?" He became angry, believing that you were leaving just like the rest. But it was his fault you felt that way.

I will admit there's a pattern.
One I've created myself.

There was no doubt in his mind when he decided what he had to do. Work could wait, you cannot. The worst thing he could've done was walk out that door. Slipping the wallet into his pocket, Lovino starts his car back up and hastily maneuvers out of the parking lot and aggressively drives home.

None of my lovers dared leave me.
I grew impatient and stale.

A mind numbing concoction of emotions prickle through your soul, tightening around your throat like a rope. Tears freely cascade down your cheeks and you finally force yourself to stand up. The golden ring is gripped unyieldingly between your fingers, a grim reminder that you can't let go. Anxiety strangles your mind and you gasp for air while stumbling out the room. You need to get outside. Have to get outside. There's nothing else you can process, the need for fresh air clouding your mind. The hardwood floors feel slippery beneath you, but you manage to escape the confines of the home.

Cold air nips your face as you nearly collapse to the ground, the front door slamming against the wall behind you. You heavily suck in air and fruitlessly attempt to regulate your breathing. The anxiety refuses to leave.

But this time it's different.
The rules don't apply.

Lovino skids to a stop when he arrives at the house, at last. In his flurry of movements, he almost forgets to park the car before leaping out and running up the driveway. He spots your crumbled form and the sickness in his heart deepens. "(y/n)!" His call is ignored.

He slides to his knees besides you and morbidly notices your erratic exhales and inhales. Vibrations chaotically wrack your body, a clear sign of a panic attack to him. He slowly reaches out to you, akin to approaching a wild animal. The Italian carefully takes your hands into his own. An object drops from your grasp and clatters onto the porch. Lovino immediately recognizes it as the ring he wanted to endow you with. He fights tears away from his eyes, further realizing how much he has messed up. Pulling your body towards him, he wraps his arms tightly around you in a hug, hoping to calm your shuttering body.

If we still exist I can let go of my fear.

You don't see Lovino until his hands are on your own, the sensation of his fingers on yours snapping you back to reality. The sudden cage of warmth around you makes you cry harder. You want to push him away, to be angry, but you can't. You clutch him until the tears dry.

"Why are you here." Your whisper causes him to pull away, though his hands remain. His hazel eyes gaze down on you, thousands of unsaid words hidden behind them. He softly places his palm on your jaw and rubs his thumb in calming motions. Long moments pass before he musters an answer.

You are the girl of my dreams.
But I'm prone to ruin the good things.

"I'm so sorry for what I've done to you, for what I've put you through the past few weeks." The apology strikes deep within you, Lovino was never the type to apologize, he only did when he genuinely meant it – both of you know this. "When I bought the ring, I wanted to spend my life with you, but I got so scared of what that meant. But I never meant to take my feelings out on you mio amore." He looks down. "I want to make this right. But if you want to leave because of how I treated you, I understand."

Droplets of liquid collect in his eyes as he says the last part. You lift your hand and cover the hand he holds you with. "For weeks I have sat at home in doubt, feeling unloved, mistreated, and empty. How can we come back from that."

Cautious 'round balance it seems.
But with you it is different.

Sadness darkens his face. Lovino pulls you into a hug again. "I promise I will never do this again. Let me prove myself (y/n). When I bought that ring, I loved you, and that never changed. I don't expect you to forgive me right now, but I'll show you everything you deserve and more. I mean it."
Lovino has always been a gruff person, a hard egg to crack. Moments like these are rare, giving them even more meaning. You press your face in his shoulder, still upset yet you believe him. You've never been a vindictive person. Pulling away, you look into his eyes and search them. Weeks of heartache have collected into this moment and as you see the feelings in his crestfallen gaze, you know he is sincere. You know who he really is, and you know what love looks like. Gently pressing your forehead to his, you close your eyes and say-

"Show me."

The rules don't apply.

———/——/———
I decided to write a conclusion for my 2017 story because I just reread it and it was v v depression so I threw together a more fulfilling conclusion in a few min :)