YOUR NAME ENGRAVED HEREIN: THE TRUTH UNTOLD

THE TRUTH UNTOLD: PT. 5

"Chang Jia Han. Chang Jia Han. Stop,"I called softly trying to catch his face."I don't want to do something you'll regret later."

I don't want to stop. God knows I don't. The selfish part of me just wants to ravish him. But there will be consequences if he gives in.

He didn't heed my plea. Chang Jia Han's mouth was like a missile and my lips were the target. His arousal poked me in the belly and I'm pretty sure he's aware of mine.

"Lets talk first. I--- I-- your wife." That had A' Han stop.

I didn't even know I was crying until he traced the wet trail on my face. Confusion was written in A' Han's eyes. "I don't have a wife. Been single for almost 50 years." A tinge of regret in his voice.

" Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to force you but don't throw baseless accusations. I didn't have anyone because I was waiting for you!" He continued.

He stood up, smoothing his shirt. A chill seeped through my bones.  Chang Jia Han really looked pissed. I'm seriously fucking everything up.

Another step. It will only take several steps out of the door and out of my life.

"Stop."

3 steps. 3 steps farther. "Chang Jia Han, stop right there!" No indication that he was stopping.  "I don't have a wife," A'Han whispered. What does he mean no wife?! Did they divorce too? No. He clearly said he didn't have anyone.

"CHANG. JIA. HAN. Comeback here please. Lets talk. I-I-I'm confused." Someone whimpered. My eyes trained on the man holding the knob, one turn and its game over.

"A'Han,"

"Do you have any idea how I suffered when you left? Everyday, I feel like drowning. Everyday, I searched for you. I scan every person desperately praying it was you. I swept every nooks and cranny of the city but you were gone. Even your house was empty. I just want to see you, apologize,  beg for everything to be as they were." He paused. Still not bothering to look at him.

" Was loving a man really disgusting?Am I  dragging him to hell because of these feelings? Did Birdy despise me after that kiss? Did he curse me to hell? Was I filthy? Am I an abomination?" Deep breaths. "When you left a message, I thought, am I dead? Is this my punishment? Stitch my broken heart then rip the wound open? Then you were gone. Again."

I don't know what to say. I just moved closer and put my hands on his shoulder. He was trembling. Chang Jia Han, confident Chang Jia Han is trembling and lost because of me. I ruined him with my cowardice. And 34 years is not enough to fix him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"For 34 years I lived as a corpse. I didn't even attend the reunions because they will know and I will die again and again when someone mention your name. When I heard you married Ban-Ban, I felt my world engulfed in qqfire. That was it. That was the end of my suffering. But it didn't. Mom saved me, stitched me back again. Mom said that I was selfish, that I don't deserve to love you. Do you think he'll be happy if you killed your self? I didn't know I raised a stupid Son! I felt betrayed you know. My mother seems to be on your side." A thumb caressed his pulse.

The sound of the knob turned is deafening. I  understood everything he was saying. Everything. He was there in hell too. His hell was the memory of A'Han's laughter. His smile that is brighter than the sun. The way he talked passionately. The shyness that would creep in his eyes when someone compliments him. The naked fear when I had an accident. The pain and betrayal in his eyes.

Father Oliver said in not so many words how A'Han's bravery change his life. How he spent the rest of his life happy because of a boy who would rather burn in hell than let go of the love in his heart. And now I think its time to grab my happiness too. Time to be brave.

Long arms encircled the other man's body. Face buried on his shoulders. Taking in the nutty scent. The wild beats of my heart slowly dents the fears I have. This will work. A' Han still likes me. We are in an era that will accept two men together. My brain went into over drive. Dreams  flashed behind my eyes.

A'Han tried to break free but I held on tighter. With everything he said I just need to clarify something. "I will tell you a secret if you answer this question." Grunts. Another attempt to get free which he ignores. "Are you married?"

Chang Jia Han didn't answer. Didn't move. He was just like a statue. I rest my chin on his shoulders. Bracing myself for my own story.

" Twenty years ago, someone said that Chang Jia Han got married in America. I was angry. It was irrational. We were not together because I hid myself so I didn't have the right to hate him." The man's body tensed. He continued. " You see. Chang Jia Han and I made a promise. No marriage. No children. But he got married first, breaking the promise. He didn't even know that on the first 15 years of my hiding, I called his home and talked with his mother. I know he got his masters in America. I know that his mother heard him cry many times. I know that he was hurting. I know that he cutoff everyone that knows me. Even Father Oliver. He wanted to forget me. Accidentally I met an old classmate. Imagine my devastation when he said that Chang Jia Han is getting married. I called his mom but it was her husband who answered. He also knew of my calls apparently but he never said anything. He just said to leave his son alone. Then he hanged up. "

I chuckle with the memory. Mr. Chang never really liked me. He turned A'Han around and enclosed his face in my cold hands. There was a tempest brewing behind Chang Jia Han's brown eyes. And I am not sure if it was a good thing.

"I drank my self to death. Its better. He moved on. Its not his fault that I didn't. In my drunkness, I saw A'Han's face. His eyes concerned while picking me up just like when I had the accident. We went to a hotel and there I made love to him." I winced with that memory but continued. " I woke up happy and imagine my shock to see a woman. Yes. A woman in the bed. Its not A'Han. Not my pretty A'Han with brown eyes and taut body. It was Bam Bam. My Ex. It was she who picked me up."

"I don't want to hear anymore," A'Han shut his eyes.

"No. You need to understand. I talked her out of any illusions she have. I don't like her. I don't love her. At that time she understood. Guess what? After two months she and her family talked to my dad. She was pregnant! I didn't know that you can make a girl pregnant with just one time. I don't want to marry her. I can just take care of the kid right? But no. Chang Jia Han's  voice said I need to take care of them. He does that a lot. Talk in my head. So I married her. I named my daughter Po Ja." Tracing the characters in A'Han's skin. His eyes became two saucers with shocked. I swallowed. A'Han's lips were inviting but he needs to finish the story. "I tried to be a better man, a better father, a husband. I tried but it wasn't enough because I keep seeing you. So."

Racking sobs filled the room. It was so painful I had to grind my teeth. His head hang low. "How dare you!" Damn it! I got slapped again.

I captured his lips with mine. This time I lead. This time I will hold on and not let go. He was reluctant at first, afraid I'll stop again and humiliates him. No stopping this time. My tongue slid inside him. Exploring the soft crevices of his mouth, teasing, asking for a response. Chang Jia hummed which vibrated through my body.

I pushed him on the wall, his hands above his head. I slip my own under his shirt, feeling his body burn underneath me. A thumb flick the hard nibs on his chest. A'Han's half sob half mourn shot straight to my manhood. Now it was A'Han's turn to stop him, panting.

"What?" My voice came out between a hiss and a moan. Heavy lided eyes held mine.

"If you stop again, I will kill you. If after tonight you hide again, I will find you and kill you myself. I would never suffer again. And I will say it for the record. NO. WIFE. NO ANYTHING
"
He warned. I laughed 'till my sides hurt while he glared. That felt good. "No. Baobei. We will finish this for sure.

And I was blinded by the smile he flashed.