SWY Written By: Ms. A Kim

Chapter 3: Reaching out

Taehyung's POV:

I'm just sitting. Not minding the whole game at all. I just laughed with them when they laugh together. Answer when needed. Obviously, I don't have anything to say at all. Nothing's inside my mind, because it is fully clouded by my anxiety and thoughts.

After the whole set, I just shrugged it off. All the questions inside my brain is eating me up again. So I've decided to stay longer at the set. May be, I just need some time for myself. I sighed deeply while looking at the mirror in front of me. I don't really know what's happening. I... I used to be a bright person inside and out. But now, I'm not so sure. Am I seeing the real me while looking at the mirror or it's just my mask? I stared at my own reflection for a while, until I heard some knock on the door.

"You may come in~"- I answered without even looking at the person who is about to enter.

"Hy-hyung..."-his voice became softer than during the whole set for the run BTS episode. "D-do you?... I mean, perhaps do you want a ride with me? I... I'm all alone coz Jimin hyung left with Suga and Hobi-hyung. So, perhaps... I mean, if it's okay with you."-then he pulled off one of his biggest bunny smile.

I was glad, he asked. My heart is fluttered by his words making me snapped out of reality for the meantime. But it didn't last when he shakes my shoulder.

"Oh-uh?___ Yeah. I'm sorry."- I smiled back.

"So, you're going with me?"- he asked sweetly.

"Y-yeah"- why did I even stuttered? Weird? " Wait for me. I just need to change my pants."

With the said word he nodded and left the dressing room.

Why do I feel fluttered that he invited me for a ride? Isn't it weird? I mean, we basically grew up together. Before, before we got famous we're all riding one car when going to company or fan meetings. But now, why is it even a big deal for me? Uhh! It's confusing me more now.

The first minutes of the drive is a little bit awkward for both of us. None of us, had spoken any single word after going inside the car. Just a secret glances from each other. Then after a while, I tried to ease the surface.

"So, umm... Koo- *I stopped for a while. To call him Kookie now is a little bit awkward too* Jungkook-ssi, do you wanna play some songs?"- I cursed at myself. I don't really know. I feel so awkward around him. Why is it, Taehyung?!

"U-uh... Y-yeah? I mean, sure hyung."-he replied with a slight smile.

Then I played our favorite song, "A Daily Song". I smiled at the thought of us singing it together before. I mean, we really loved this song before. It feels like, old memories are coming back as I hummed with this song. It was fun, until I realized that he isn't really paying attention to me or to the song. He's obviously talking to someone else. So, basically someone else is on call with him right now. Then, I decided to just turn off the music.

I thought, everything will be alright now. I thought, he feels the same way with me. Turns out, I'm the only one craving for us to be back from who we were before. Turns out, nobody really cares about me.

As we finally arrived home, I quickly got out of the car not sparing a single glance to Jungkook. I just don't want to see how he stares at me. I'm afraid that, if I look at his eyes. I'll find the answer that'll totally wrecked me. So better keep it this way. If I continued being like this, I guess everything will be alright. I guess everything will turn out just right, no one will care anyway. My thoughts was once interrupted when someone gripped my hands tightly not allowing me to step any further.

"Taehyung-hyung, do you have something to say to me?"

Finally, he called me Taehyung again. But, nothing can make me feel better now. I'm just not in the mood right now to talk it out.

I thought of the possible thing he might be asking for me to say.

"Oh! Yeah, thanks for the ride, Jungkook-ssi."- I smiled towards him, and pulled away from his gripped. I then went inside the dorm. As expected, they're all inside their rooms again. So, yeah. I guess I have to go inside too.

Again. My whole goddamn anxiety is taking over my whole existence. Questions after questions. It's bothering me. I mean, is Jungkook asking me for something else? What could it be? I mean, did I turned out to be a snob? Did I lost my chance to reconcile with him, but at the very first. Is there something to fix between us? We've been like this for the past 3 years though. We're not that close, neither a stranger from each other. It's just that, what are we? I'm not so sure anymore. I'm more confused now. I don't really know this strange feeling.

Not thinking any further, I think I have to say sorry to Jungkook for my rude act before. I mean, I didn't mean to be rude anyway. Or maybe I just want to talk with him.

I was about to knock on his room, when I heard some giggles. I just knew who's the owner of that beautiful sounds. It's probably Jungkook, but why is he giggling? My curiosity is really taking over that I didn't notice that I'm secretly trying to sneak inside the room. Then I saw Jimin tickling Jungkook. That's when the cut inside my heart became deeper. This couldn't be jealous though? I mean, could it be possible that I'm jealous with my two best friends? Nahh. I'm not jealous. Why would I be? Then I heard them laughing following with some conversation.

"Next time don't you ever left me just like that hyung~"- he whined.

"And why not? Taehyung seems to be a good company anyway."

"Nahh! He's literally boring and, he's being sassy the whole time. I mean, I understand that he's rude to all of us this past few years. But does maturity really hit that hard? Does maturity turns someone's personality totally unrecognizable? I mean, I think... I don't know him anymore"-sadness can be mirrored out from his voice.

I just knew that, I f*cked it all up. There's no chance for me anymore to be close with him again. How stupid I am to think that, he still cares for me?! How dumb am I to hope that, I still have that spot reserved in his heart when he have Jimin the whole time in his life? I'm just a part of his past that he wanted to erase, isn't it?I'm just nothing to him now.

Without thinking further neither listening further for some more hurtful comments from these two. I went directly to my room. I don't want anyone right now. Not anyone can fully fixed my broken heart. I'm totally broken into pieces right now. If I could only talked it out with my halmonie. But, guess I have to play it all alone.

I went to bathroom to take a bath first before sleeping. And as the water keeps on dropping, I can't control my emotions anymore. My own tears run down my face.

"Why do the world have to be like this? Why is it always not working for me? First when I got the chance to tell halmonie(grandmother) that I really loved her, she's gone already and it's too late. And now what?! When I have the chance to restore my friendship with them all, especially to Jungkook... It turns out that, I just messed it all up. I guess...  Time isn't working for me. It's so unfair!"- I cried out inside the soundproof bathroom.

I have to bare it with my own. Anyway, I don't need anybody else right now. As if anyone cares. I just have to deal with it. Destiny never fails to make me feel a full failure to this world.