I will wait for you

Chapter 3

"Have a good day at school!", Jake yells out the window as I wave goodbye.

Oh no. Don't panic. Don't panic. Who comes this late to school. Honestly. Please don't talk to me. Stay away. I hate you. Oh my gosh, you are coming this way. "Hey Serena", " Oh hey Eric". Eric is my best guy friend. Well he was, I don't count him as my best friend because we've had a thing that lasted like a month or two. Not to mention, he had sex with my other best friend named Kylah. But that was before him and I had a thing, Kylah just decided to tell me after I stopped talking to Eric.

Eric and I would cuddle and kiss and he would tell me he loved me and I would have to say it back but I never meant it.

One day I was lying in bed crying because I kept trying to tell Eric that I was still in love with Aiden and couldn't be with him anymore but it turned out that it didn't really matter because Eric was talking to someone else while talking to me, and told my best friend Kylah he only wanted friends with benefits. So I dropped him.

He still, to this day, tells me he loves me.

Im a sophomore and so is Aiden. Next month on March 1 will be four years since he left me. It's sad because I know twenty years from now, I will still remember the dates from when he told me he loved me to when he asked me to be his girlfriend, to when he left me.

There was this one night. My friend Selena had a birthday party on August 18. I knew Aiden was going to be there and I didn't want to go for that reason but for the same reason, I also wanted to go.

After I picked up my friends and got dropped off at the party. I got made fun of by this guy named Damon, for wearing a black shirt that showed a quarter of my stomach. Aiden was standing next to him laughing.

It was no big deal so I went inside and told Selena happy birthday and gave her a present. Then Aiden walked in with Damon. Every body at the party decided to walk the streets together. So we did and somehow I ended up walking a golf course with my best friend Priess and Aiden with his other two friends. We were walking to Aiden's house because he decided he was bored and wanted to leave. So there we were, walking to his house. It was a long walk but the more time I spent with him, the better.
As I was walking , I feel a hand against mine. Aiden tries so hard to hold my hand and keeps telling me he loves me. Inside I'm smiling so much but I tell him to stop. "Please I love you!" He said while staring very romantically into my eyes.

Stop. Don't smile. Stop. He's lying. You're not good enough. You never were. " No you don't", I mumble. While gently touching my chin and lifting it so that my eyes would meet his, he says, "Jess, I really do".

That was enough to make me fall completely in love with him all over again.

I needed him. I needed him like the earth needs the moon to see at night. He's my light in the darkness.

"You can't even remember my birthday" I replied.
"I'm sure you don't even know MY birthday", he said.
"Yes I do, I never forgot it"
"What is it?", he smirks.
"It's November 9"
"Oh."

I was sure that if I asked him what my birthday was, he wouldn't respond with the answer I would like but I asked anyway.
"Now, what's mine?"
"Um...."

That's when I knew..he wasn't the guy for me. But like any typical girl, I stayed around waiting for the day that he would change to be that guy for me.

He saw the look of disappointment painted across my face, my eyes fell to the floor. I could tell that he felt embarrassed, and a little upset.

"That's what I thought", I said.

Later on in the night. My mom drove by his house to pick me up. I didn't want to leave but at the same time, I couldn't be happier to leave.

I tried to act like the disappointment hadn't fell to the pit of my stomach but my mom still asked me what was wrong.
"Nothing? Why do you ask "
"You seem down"
"No, I'm just tired", I told her.

I don't why, but I get these sudden flashbacks of those kind of nights.

"Jess?!" Eric yelled.
"Huh? Oh. Sorry what?"
"I wondered if you were okay?" He replied.
" oh.... ", I giggled.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seem spacey?" he questioned.
"I'll see you later".

I don't want to be rude or anything but I can't stand being next him. He always asks If I'm okay. As if he actually cared about me.

I just think that if you truly cared about someone, you would try your best to protect them and not be the one to hurt them.

*school bell rings*

My brother picks me up from school in the front every day. So I walk out the school and head for the red Chevy truck with a dent on the left side above the back tire, that kind of looks like one of those soda cans you step on to recycle.

That dent is from when my dad fell asleep while driving and smashed into a sign. He doesn't sleep much.

As I spot the red truck, I look a little to my right and there he is. I'm not directly looking at him but I can feel his eyes glued to me. I always try to walk past him and pretend like I don't see him.
It's my way of showing I don't care, even if I really do.

So I get in the truck and we begin to drive home.
"How was your day?" Jake asked.
"Ehh, it was alright".

I could tell that he knew what I meant by ehh. He knows I'm in love with Aiden, he also knows that's why I'm single.

I'm that girl, the one that says no to every guy that asks me out because they aren't Aiden.

After six hours of being home. My phone beeps and I see a text from Aiden.

Aiden and I still talk but when we see each other, we act like we don't know each other.

"Hi"
"Oh Hey Aiden"

We usually ask how we are and then talk about something random, and then the conversation dies. That's why I don't get excited when he texts me.

Our conversation ended with:
"Aiden?"
"Yes..."
"Are you happy?"
"Not at all"
"Why not ?"
" I'm just not"

I wasn't sure how to reply to that because I know it wouldn't have gone anywhere.

So I just put down my phone and turned out the light in my bedroom, and fell asleep.

Or so I thought I was gonna fall asleep.

I lied there for a couple minutes with the lights off, just me and pure darkness accompanied by my thoughts.

All I could do was stare, at nothing. Just black filling every space in the room. I could feel tears running down the right side of my cheek but I couldn't see them. I could feel all of it, every ounce of sadness seep into the threads of my pillow.

I clenched my blanket tightly in my palms and curled my knees into my stomach as the sadness got deeper.

And somehow I was still convinced I was okay.