cigarettes ☹ alex turner

XVII

as usual, id like to apologise for the lack of updates, and thank you all for the support ive gotten on this book. im pretty sure id lose all motivation for writing if it wasnt for you all. thanks again, and i hope you enjoy :D

XVII

Alexander David Turner

"HOW DO YOU make me this fucking happy?" I smile and shake my head in disbelief, staring right at her with every ounce of admiration.

"I probably don't. I could never make anyone happy," she answers blandly, a sigh leaving her lips.

"Yes, yes you can."

"I can't even bring joy to myself, how the hell can I bring joy to anyone else?"

"You don't care about yourself, you're too busy caring for others."

She shrugs, probably not believing me. People with self-esteem like hers were quite closed minded when it came to them. "Whatever, other people have said this."

"You've proven yourself wrong, and anyone else who claimed to that utter bullshit. Just because you aren't everyone else's masterpiece, doesn't mean you aren't mine."

"How did I get so lucky?" She says, looking at me, up and down, as if I wasn't even real.

"Yeah," I reply, "How did you get so lucky?" With a laugh, she raises her middle finger and I kiss it with a wink.

"What do you even like about me?" She giggles, as her light blonde hair dances through the air, smelling of roses and a distant aroma of cigarettes. "I mean, look at you," she gasps, tracing a few of my facial features as I began to smile at her gestures.

"No, no, look at you," I correct her, kissing her temple as her eyes sparkle and I could look into those spirals of hers for eternity. "Your smile makes Devils want to do good, my love," I speak, cupping her cheek with my hand as my head rested against the white pillow on the small bed of 505.

"You're so fucking cheesy," She laughs once again, her hair sprawling all over the shared pillow. Taking out my hands, I wrap them around her nearly invisible waist and pull her closer towards me as her laugh dies down and she just looks at me.

"We are quite a cheesy couple," I nod in agreement with a smile on my face, as I removed one of my hands from her waist and rubbed circles onto her thigh in reassurance. "But fuck, do you make me happy," I smile wider and kiss her neck.

"You swoop in with all your beautiful words, and care, but it's all bullshit!"She screams, pulling away from me. "Try to fucking call me beautiful now, Alex. Try to fucking call me beautiful, now! Oh wait you can't, because all you were doing it for was yourself, to have the-"

I scream, scream from the top of my lungs, aching my throat and collarbones, as I jumped up from my sleeping position with my breaths heavy and sweat trickling down my forehead.

It was another nightmare, except these only were worse. They were so much more realistic now that I had heard her words. I now know her reaction. I can feel that she hates me, and there was nothing I could do about it and I couldn't feel more distraught, more upset.

They were a mix of beautiful flashbacks, with traumas of us talking for the last time. It was the end; there was no more. The fantasy had ended, the seemingly everlasting dream had come to a close and I couldn't accept it.

I hated not having her. I hated that I fucked it all up, even though what I told her was a lie. I couldn't believe what I had done, I wanted to scream again with heavy breaths and realise that it was just a terrible, terrible nightmare.