Date Her Instead Vol. 4

Chapter Twenty: Shell

She sat there.

As the snow fell, it began to pile atop her shoulders and head hanging low. Slowly, droplets fell off her face, splashing into the snow beneath her before freezing over. Her body trembled, but how much of that was because of the temperature and how much was because of her, she couldn't tell.

If it was possible to hear a heart break, Kanako was sure she would've been able to hear the large crack that had opened up in hers. She had tried to confess. The feelings that she had been carrying around had been set to be finally given voice. And then, they were stopped short by the very girl those feelings were for.

As soon as Haruna had turned away, Kanako's mind had screamed at her to run after her. To move her legs. To use her voice. To do anything she possibly could to keep her from leaving... but she hadn't. Her legs had frozen. Her voice had caught. Her mind had gone blank.

So sure had Kanako been in her feelings and her love for Haruna that when she was suddenly denied, all she could do was... nothing. The shock was overwhelming. The sudden turn of events had thrown both her heart and mind for such a loop she nearly felt dizzy.

It was all ironic, in a way. Not too long ago, Kanako had been certain of her future with Akio. So certain in fact that she had never once questioned it. Now, here she was, doing nearly the same thing, except with Haruna. Was it a mistake to love like this? Kanako wondered. If loving this strongly only brought pain and misery, then...

Confusion coursed through her. Following that was pain, anguish and despair. Mixed in somewhere was anger, sadness and a flood of other emotions, but standing prominently out above the rest was the confusion. How had this happened? Was it really because she had waited too long? Did Christmas not hold enough impact for such a moment?

...Or was it her? Perhaps... Haruna had lost interest after all. Maybe she found someone new. However, for as quick as Kanako thought that, she sent the thought away. "She said it would be too painful to hear me reject her, so... she must still have feelings for me..." With that possibility gone, Kanako could only go back to being thoroughly confused.

But, for as much as she wanted to think about it, she could barely even manage to string together a couple of thoughts. They came and then passed, hardly spending any significant time in her brain before disappearing. The cause for this effect was her pain. She wanted to think about it, to try to be rational or logical or just simply find some explanation that made sense, but... it was just too much.

Love so strong it felt like it could take her over. That was the kind of love Kanako had for Haruna. It had taken a long and difficult road to get there, but once Kanako had realized how she felt, she had known there was no going back. What she had discovered, there was no way she could ever forget. It was that passion that tried desperately to tell her to go after Haruna, but its voice was drowned out.

The pain was too much. The shock was too much. The crack that had formed in Kanako's heart felt like a gaping abyss that could swallow the rest of her. It took what little mental ability she had available to prevent herself from wailing like a child. Although, her efforts did not stop the flow of tears.

Kanako didn't know how much time had passed, but it was clear based on the snow on her that it had been more than a few minutes. Her crying had slowed, but it hadn't yet ceased. Truly, it felt like her tears could keep pouring out forever. She had tried so hard, and it had all been for nothing.

...Or had she? If she had really tried hard, wouldn't she already be together with Haruna? She certainly wouldn't be sitting in the snow alone. If she had been a little more forward... if she had been a little less stubborn... maybe...