Emotionless

2 - Once Again

I wonder how long it's been since I've come to this world, starting over as a completely new person. Now, I have a new home, a new career, a new name...mostly...and today, I start a new school despite my already-existing career. Every time I restart, everything changes, except for the name I go by and...

I place one hand over my right eye, where a bandage rested, its straps comfortably wrapping around my head. I guess there are two things that will always remain the same, regardless of where or who I am. 

My reflection was staring right back at me, yet I could hardly recognize myself. I couldn't see the passion I once held in my eyes, nor the soft smile that used to grace my face every day, persevering through the hard times I've experienced. I could still remember them; I remembered smiling brightly at those I loved, I remember feeling happy, content, safe...I remember how it felt to care about the people around me, and how it felt for others to care about me in return. I remember what it felt like to have no doubt that they loved me and were here for me...I remember how it felt to be loved and to be free enough to hand out that love to those important people in my life.

Now, the only thing that remains of those feelings is the memories.

And that's all they are: memories. I haven't been able to bring myself to love, because I cannot force myself to handle losing the people I give my love to. I can remember my past, so love-filled, but I can't recognize it in my reality today.

Memories are not important to the present.

A sigh slipped past my lips as I dropped my hand back to my side, turning away from the mirror and readjusting my hair to hide the bandage over my eye. I brushed off my outfit, not bothering to double-check my appearance before I threw my backpack over my shoulder and made my way downstairs.

I'd be attending a new school starting today, but I refused to dress in the female uniform as it was an awful yellow dress that I wouldn't be able to defend myself in. So, I opted for black sweatpants which were tight around my waist and calves and loose in-between, a thin white compression shirt, and a soft dark blue hoodie left unzipped. As always, I threw on black fingerless gloves and opted for what seemed like the typical teenager choice of dark blue high-tops.

My expression remained stoic, a calm and collected stare as I made my way out of the house, walking to school with my hands shoved in my jacket pocket and my earbuds in, shuffling through music. 

Even as I arrived, I did not mind any activity occurring around me. The students wandering into the school would stop and talk to their friends, greeting each other with smiles, hugs, and laughs.

That was their world. This is not mine. Greeting their friends before class was the only thing most of them would have to worry about for their entire high school career. Some silly little world where you don't have to care about the important things, just family, friends, and school. They could talk and laugh all they wanted, never stopping to second guess or question the important things.

I couldn't quite understand why I was sent to this school. I'm not wealthy, I don't belong here, and I must maintain my secret identity until I am permitted to leave. But, it's a mission and I wouldn't turn it down just because I don't agree with the decision. I just have to deal with being here, at this school I don't understand, surrounded by people I don't understand.

Looking back, it's hard to believe that this is where everything started.

Ouran Academy - the school for the wealthy.