GREAT AROUSALS (THARNTYPE ONE-SHOTS 18+)

~A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN~

I would be flattered to know that anyone even noticed and cared about my absence for almost a month, among the multitude of great authors present on this site. I was not able to update because of my exams which are still going on (ek toh public school upar se CBSE board... hats off to those who can empathize)

now lets proceed without further ado...

TRIGGER WARNINGs – SUICIDE... TOXIC STUFF... F WORD USED ONCE AND LAST BUT FOR SURE NOT THE LEAST NO SMUT ... (this author is pathetic at giving warnings)

Type was sitting in the bleak white cell of the asylum penning down a portrait of his majorly ugly life, as per the psychotherapist's say. What he bore in his mind didn't make him picture any loss or for that matter even any gain in doing so.

TO:- MUMMA, 'PAPA', THAT TRIVIAL PSYCHIATRIST AND ANYONE ELSE WHO READS IT

"Growing up I had a very normal childhood, or so did I hope, thinking that it was an integral part of a toddler's life to be bashed and insulted for every smallest thing furthermore time and again be compared to others... childhood is full of innocence, I agree, but mine was put to the wrong use... I could not even imagine as a kid that childhood was actually the most jovial time of our life, it's actually a boon for the ever-bustling mankind... yet I never experienced such. no celebrations for me, no hanging out with friends and if I asserted secretly to please myself, guilt and remorse overpowered me for no reason at all. Later, on gaining a bit more sense, I was in pursuance to convince myself that the iron fist was father's love and women were helpless and submissive always kneeling to men just like my dearest mother. Not much changed during my school life, the pressure to be perfect and the wish not to be compared fuelled my zeal to strive hard, as I hitherto kept enduring the atrocities, always being violently subjected to 'what will the people think'. Still, I'd like to thank you 'papa' for making me a part of those few who feel suffocated around their fathers and feel relieved only in the absence of the monsters in the face; and also I am grateful to you for enhancing my resistance, resilience and endurance capacities.

everything is alright if things stay restrained in my mind but it's such a  pest when they start posing trouble physically...

Eventually, there was an effort by that merciless God to kindle hope in my rued life, Tharn, he made himself my lifeline.
Our love story was a very saccharine one. We graduated from the same school, where we were completely worlds apart; our sections, interests, and friend circle. It was only On the first day of college we collided with each other, both of us stuttered, we were shy when our hands touched while picking up the fallen pages, there was a soul stare eye contact, very cliché indeed, it felt dreamy, completely surreal and I had fallen in love. I had resolved to pursue him. "Type" he uttered my name on recognizing me, we instantly became good friends with naturally dazzling chemistry, partly because we were the only known ones of each other in that hostile institution. Providentially we were in the same class where we met lhong and techno , two more batch mates from the school. ours was a comfy, confideable, and a great friend circle. During the lectures I couldn't help but stare in Tharn's direction, often catching him red-handed in the same act, it made me feel as if I was raising an entire swarm of fluttering butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Still, we were ' just friends', practicing conduct that 'just friends' wouldn't do; friends didn't casually throw flirts at each other, speak extremely cheesy or compliment on subliminal things... at a point I was fed up of the kind of unlabeled and unfathomable confusion between us. I had had enough by the second year of our college ... Tharn had become even more flagrant and clingy... wasn't I obvious enough for him to say anything directly. It was his birthday, that day what I had decided for him was either going to be a present for 'us' or an inscrutable heartbreak for me, during the college hours I had decorated the entire college canteen with streamers, bunting and balloons... I vividly remember the gigantic banner that I, no and lhong painted for him. Lunch break was finally the time, my loudspeaker got everyone's attention as if I gave a damn about them...Tharn who was already painted with astounded expressions on his beautiful face because of the unexpected decoration, became even more stupefied when I wished him and asked him out in front of the entire college...he had teared up... Happy or sad, that I could only confirm on walking up to him, where he caught me off guard and took the loudspeaker from me and heralded his answer to every being there... " I love you too Thiwat pawatthakun... and I am more than willing to be your boyfriend..." things escalated within split seconds and next we were kissing like never before amongst a hooting and cheering crowd... especially No's and lhong's voices were piercing my ears for the first few second until Tharn's lips had made me deaf and blind to the entire world. It was the first-ever significant day of my entire living, which made me believe that my happiness could last more than a minute, I no more felt culpable for been happy... all thanks to him. Our love life was great...it leaped beyond perfect; that is all the detail I can give you about it. Not gonna lie, jealousy did set its foot in our lives but never managed to live long... Tharn was the most stunning and perfect human I had ever seen and met... he meant my world to me... and still does... I am nothing without him... I say nothing.
But as they say, all good things come to an end, lately when I tried coming out to that ruthless old man about my sexuality... those punches and slaps that had disappeared from my life for a bit had returned with full force... I didn't forget mentioning insults and abuses about being a shame and ignominy, cause they never disappeared.... but Tharn helped me through it all ... I can't imagine surviving without the massive amount of love, support, and patience he showed towards me, treating me like his prince even in my craziest state... all this was bearable enough... but not what came next, Fiat, a transfer in our college that too in the same class as ours, just in the first look I could gauge the misfortune for me his presence reeked. The more I stayed away from him the more he approached me... I was well known on the campus for my straightforward ways... but he didn't seem to have that... he kissed me in front of everyone... I, not in my farthest dreams had expected anything of such kind from him...it was too late before I pushed him and punched him till he spat blood... Tharn had already walked away from the crowd, I followed suit, indifferently cutting through the stunned mass, only after avenging what Fiat did. I finally found him in one of the not in use classrooms, his face shook me to my core... his beautiful Crescent eyes were bloodshot... he looked utterly heartbroken. As soon as I took his name he brisked up to me and pinned me to the wall by a strong handful of the lapels of my shirt , fiercely gritting his teeth he told me not to utter his name through my dirty mouth. That was the first time we fought so bad... I pushed him to the ground yelling at him to stop his nonsensical speech... I was hurt, not because it was the first time Tharn raised his voice toward me and was on the verge of hurting me physically but because he didn't trust me enough to believe that what happened between me and that motherfucker didn't have my consent or will. He countered that by saying "the Type I know doesn't even let any stray person touch him ... even if off guard" the next moment he walked out , leaving me speechless, not out of the lack of convincing arguments but because of the absence of will and energy to do so...his unusually grim voice still rings in my ears... I felt shattered and broken and this time Tharn was not there to put the crumbles of me back in place...
Mumma and you nasty old man... you two are the prime witnesses of what trailed next, I had locked myself in my room for days crying inconsolable rivers of misery and helplessness... until that asshole of my 'father' forcefully broke into my room and practically hauled my half unconscious self, still hurling abuses at me for being a faggot, gay, disgrace, disappointment and trash and a heck more lethally toxic stuff that gives me shivers even on recalling. But thanks for sending me to this place away from your presence, but Mumma not from you, it hurts the nothing left in the place of my dust turned heart whenever I remember your wailing face as I was being sent away to this asylum, being declared mentally unsound. here I don't know why that psychiatrist is so adamant about convincing me that the Tharn I told her about never existed, she says that the truth is that Thara kirigun or Tharn as I call him, did study in the same school as me but died in a car accident when he was in sixth grade... we had an appointment with the parents of the deceased and... They were exactly the same as my Tharn had shown me. I still don't completely believe what that lady says ... cause the very clearly implies that I had been hallucinating the whole time... imagination or not, but now I don't see my future holding any potential of being out of this dreary place.

So at the end, I'd like to thank all the people here who underestimated me and allowed my diary in... giving me a chance to be with my Tharn if he truly resides in heaven's abode. I can't live any longer without him... I will make up to him once I reach there ... lots of love to you Mumma and bountiful hate to my father, so much so that he never feels the shortage of it ever, even by a bit. And i can't forget to convey a small thanks to the psychiatrist for letting in my diary... read rest of the pages if you are keen on knowing more about my life , that at least I am not keen to continue any further... goodbye"


It wasn't long before Type pulled out a blade from a pocket attached to the back of his diary , bearing a manically satisfied smile on his face he slit his wrist right at the spot which would lead to death. pain you say, he didn't feel any, being adept to it physically as well as emotionally since the beginning...so right now he just fluttered his eyes shut seeing a blurred image of Tharn in front, his name being the last thing Type uttered before drifting into his utopian land forever.

.

.

.

.

"Tharn, babe I can't bear to see techno cry so much ... let us visit him in his dream tonight naaa" Type said adorably puckering out his chestnut lips. "As you wish love... " Tharn replied pulling Type close by his waist and then kissing away the pout.
"And yes Tharn also stop haunting fiat... it's enough of punishment for him" ...

In terms of psychiatry type suffered from unidentified schizophrenia, a mental disorder in which he had prolonged hallucinations. Schizophrenia, as such is classified in various heads and has varying symptoms such as difficulty with speech, mood swings, paranoia, etc, etc. It may be triggered due to genetic reasons or complications at the time of birth but in other cases just like in type's it commenced due to assault upon the emotions.

with the exception of these facts, the question still remains, why tharn? Also, the instance from type's afterlife makes an argument that it's much, much more than just a disorder. There definitely must have been something to tie tharn and type together. Just like many mysteries in our world, which are unfathomable by science and perplexing to it, this is also one.

what the hell did I even write... anyways thanks for reading...

and here's an edit by me...

(i wonder what I am making the back-facing panda look at naaa....)