insane

now - try

"Where were you?" he asked, straightening up on the bed, still not looking at me.

"At a friends place." I lied. What's even the difference of saying the truth if it won't make the situation any better?

"Why didn't you answered my calls?" he brushed his eyes, pushing back his wild curls.

"I didn't saw any of them. I'm sorry, Evan."

"I'm leaving." he pressed his hands together, his shoulders followed those words like a deep breath.

"What? Why?" I rushed to him again, he rejects my hands on his.

"It's not working anymore." he gets up, away from me. "We're not working."

"You can't do this to me." I said before the tears fell, like a waterfall. "I love you." I wrinkled my eyebrows and my lips froze at the pronoun.

"That's why I'm leaving." he walked to the bathroom.

"WHY CAN'T YOU ADMIT?" I yelled at him. I repeated the question again looking away, finding comfort on the raindrops trailing the windows.

"WHAT, LOLA?" he fired back, coming towards me, catching my attention. "Don't you just love playing the victim?" he comes closer, not giving me the chance to say anything, with his face looking into my eyes, his arms locked me between them. "Well, fucking guess what? You're the one who left for 17 hours and IGNORED ME."

"Admit, Evan." I place my hands on his jaw line, breathing fast and unsure of how he would react next. "You love me."

"I don't." he whispered pressing his forehead on mine.

"The girl from yesterday." I remembered him. "Blonde, beautiful girl, in a summer dress." the simple thought was painful, still fresh, like a scar that hasn't heal. "She reminds you of me."

He nodded negatively his head to my words. She reminds him of the old me. My innocent, lovely and young self, the one that lived along side the happy and peaceful Evan.

"I miss you, Lola." he said "And, I'm sorry. I came here in hopes to find myself in the treasures of your memory, find the boy with loads of dreams." he grabbed my hands and pushed away. "But I can't be that boy you know. The same way you're not going to be my Lola anymore."

His words cut like knives inside my heart, my eyes hurt from crying and my mouth couldn't make a sound. The thought of him not liking me this way, the way I am, killed me. It took so long for me to find myself, the person I'm meant to be in the place I was born to be.

"Evan-" he cleaned my tears while I said "Don't leave."

"We're not the same people we used to be." he concluded "You wanted to find a little piece of the person you were in me and I wanted to be the person you remembered I was."

"I don't want the past." I kissed him, thinking it might change his mind. But he withdraws for me. "I want you. Present and future tense." I remember what he told me that night at my parents party: But I will always be with you, past, present and future tense. What has changed since then, why isn't it the same?

He showed off his smirk, refreshing the drawing I made in my mind.

"We might not be the same kids we were. We might have miss a lot of defining moment in our lives. But, we are here now. And, there's nothing I want more then give us a try." I told him.

"I love you, Lola." he answered, smiling like I always remembered him.

We kissed. Nothing felt as good as his lips and the way his hands hold me tight, like the world could end at any second. He kept pulling me in, also guiding me to my bed. We fell back and banged our heads together which created a hilarious moment that made us laugh for minutes. He stopped to stare at me, glancing his smirk again. I crossed my legs and smiled when he repeats that he loves me.

I can't plan the future, I only know my past. But, this is us. Now.