A step to the abyss

The limit

It's actually funny how a simple little thing can change your entire life. Literally. One small thing can lead to the greatest life's adventure, greatest joy. But also it can lead to unbearable pain and devastation. After happiness, pain often follows. It's above our comprehension. It's not from our world. But it's true. All it takes is just one moment, one short flash. But we never know. That's the main problem... We don't usually cherish it as we should. Just when we lose it, lose ourselves, we realize. Sadly, it's often too late...

Tuesday, March 16th

13 years ago

"Mom!" I rush towards her as fast as I can.

She looks exhausted. She has black marks under her eyes. Her beautiful red hair is really tousled and messed up as if she didn't have the time to brush them properly. I can spot almost undistinguished transparent liquid drops under her blue eyes. Tears. It seems that she has been crying recently. But why?

Dad said that mom has been gone to work abroad for a little bit of time. But it wasn't exactly a little bit of time. I haven't seen her almost for two whole months. She was on a business trip, I think. I wonder if being a lawyer is really so hard that you have to work so long and so far away...

"Hey, little Amber." She smiles but just when she looks away to dad, I notice her smile vanishing.

My dad catches her eyes and nods as if he understands her without words said. They both look serious and a little sad. Maybe I haven't realized it then but I'm pretty sure that they were hiding something from me.

"Do you want to go to an ice cream shop?" Mom asks me.

"Yes!" I exclaim excited.

I miss being a kid. It is so much simpler then, so much happier. When you are growing up, you start to realize many other things besides ponies and rainbows. There's so much pain, so much sadness. An inevitable part of growing up is learning to be alone. Learning to stand up for yourself, to maintain yourself, later maybe even your family. Your future is up to you and only to you. You get to make all the decisions, you don't know what's right and what's wrong. You can't trust everyone because often the closest people are the ones who hurt you the most. People leave, moments leave. Memories stay with you forever... But they are just memories. Just that...

"What flavor would you like your ice cream to be?" I hear the man behind the cash register inquiring.

"Strawberry." The little me says. Her eyes are sparkling in ardor.

"Here you go." The man gives her pink ice cream in a waffle cone. Delicious...

Soon she her face is allsmudged in ice cream.

"Here you go, lovely." My mom takes out a white clean napkin from her backpack and washes my face. She smiles to me and I rapidly return that gesture.

"Are we going home now?" Melian asks annoyed. I forgot that he was here too.

Melian is 14 years older than me. It's his last year in high school and then he plans to go to university abroad. He says he has always said that he is going to study Journalism and Media but, honestly, I have never seen him as a journalist. He is just too shy. He is always afraid to start a conversation with people, so he is often alone. He doesn't have many friends, so he is usually hanging out with us, his family. Mom says that he should go out more by himself, make friends but he just doesn't. He is a really weird 18 year old: he doen't go to the parties, he doesn't date, he doesn't often hang out with people his age. And it often seems like it's really fine with him... Except I know that he is struggling. He likes being alone until he doesn't. He needs someone by his side but he likes being independent. I understand it now. I feel almost the same way...