Wednesday, April 22nd
2 years agoNew beginnings are always the hardest. But also they are necessary for us all. New beginnings mean that you start fresh, sometimes where no one even knows your name and your past. New beginnings can bring joy to your life. A kind of joy that you have never found elsewhere. If it all goes well, you can finally build a life that you desire.
However, in the light there is always some pieces of the darkness. Once you step out of that barrier, there's not going back. New problems to deal with, new tears.
Once you start new, you can't go back. You should ask yourself: 'Is that really what I want to do?'
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Sixteen. "It's just a number. Not a big deal," everyone would say. But it's not just a number. It's a realization that you're growing up. That time flies by so fast. And if you always say "I'll do that tomorrow," you just waste your time. You don't live, you only exist in this universe. Moments become memories. You slowly forget your past if you don't have pictures or some evidences that it happened. "You have a bright future ahead of you," "Life is just beginning." Everyone would say that. Everyone. But a problem is that no one knows what's after tomorrow. No one can assure that you have a future, nor that it would be better as it goes on. No one knows nothing. Everyone just assumes everything. And that's what really bothers me. You can't know when you die or what will happen, even in an hour. Everything is just a surprise and I don't like surprises. The fact that I know nothing really scares me... And no one even seems to care about that....
Today is my sixteenth birthday and I am all alone. No one is there to congratulate me. No one is there to ask me if I'm okay or if I'm happy. No one cares...
Sixteenth birthday is supposed to be the greatest. Everyone considers the age sixteen as lucky. Happy. I don't really know why.... But it surely isn't like that at all.
I'm not much of a talkative person. I have always been this way. I think the main reason is that I'm often alone. I hate the superficiality of this world. Everyone wants others to see their best side and only that. People just pretend to be 'perfect' to get attention. The society nowadays is just shallow. Everyone says just be yourself but they don't realize that being ourselves is not enough according to all the disgusting standards. I can feel an overwhelming pressure of the society every day. There is no limit for 'perfection.' So why do they also say that 'perfect' doesn't exist?
I don't fit into the standards, nor do I want to. I don't like trying to be someone else just to please other people. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique. Sadly, just a minority of people realize that. Everyone tries to fit in. Everyone. But it's just toxic. Our society is toxic. People bully other people just because they're different. Sometimes even kill people because they're just different. But our differences are what make us human. If we all were the same, what would be the point? What would be the point of everything? It would be boring. Life would be boring...
But now, when I see what being alone really feels like, I wish there was someone here. Anyone. Anyone that I can talk to. I don't even need to be heard, I just need someone here right now. That I could feel the human energy flowing from my side. That I could turn my head sidewaya and see someone sitting here with me. Maybe then I could smile. I haven't smiled in a really long time...
What's the point of living if you can't even share your thoughts with someone? If no one asks about your day? If no one makes you smile? If no one cares?
Someone once said to me: "Be who you are. And if people don't like you, they're fake. The problem is not you, it's them." I have believed these words for a long time. I wanted to believe them. I wanted not to be afraid that every time I met people or talked to them. I wanted to be myself and be enough. Like in the movies or books. Being yourself is the true beauty.
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A step to the abyss
FantasyEveryone has a different story to tell. Different words. Different phrases. We can't hide what's inside us forever. Even if we don't know it yet. The truth always comes out. No matter what. Amber has just moved to Hazel Mount. She's just an ordinary...