I was beginning to grow tired.
Tired of staring at the same Empty, that's what I called it.
The Empty. It's where I lived, but it wasn't been this way forever even though it felt that way. Sometimes, I thought about the times in the Before; the Before where this wasn't my reality. Other times, most times, I just stared with my unavoidable exhaustion and irritability growing at the Empty.
I always tried to keep my sensability — It's not forever — I reminded myself, but I always lost that battle with my mind. Then it was emptiness. Staring at nothing at all as far as it goes, assuming that it never ends. Alone.
Quite a lot I pretended that in the Before I was happy, and I didn't deserve to be there. But that place, that blacked-out and never-ending snow globe hell of a place, was where I landed myself. I let myself lose control; I went down and down the rabbit hole and never tried to climb my way back out, despite the constant pleading in my head to just feel okay. My trouble was finding that person again; the person I was before my "decline", and never letting go.It tended to feel like a vortex, maybe black hole is a better-suited word, of time constantly, simply paused, never to be resumed, but I think it only felt that way when I let it. Sleep, I found, was my only escape, but of course that was only temporary. I wished I could sleep for the rest of what seemed like my life sentence in this awful place, but sleep never fell over me when it was all I begged for. Only when it snuck up on me, carefully weaving as to not disturb the endless thoughts mindlessly milling about my head, only then could I rest. I never remembered waking up either, or falling asleep for that matter. One second I was aware, aware of my surroundings that were nothing and of my brain's nagging, and the next I'd be back to that same spot with a completely clear mind, yet the exhaustion still panging between my eyes. I could feel that piece of time missing, though, after sleeping. That brought me back to the feeling of being stuck in a freeze frame where I was mistakenly not frozen. Sleep, the way I could sense that time missing, was how I knew that time was, in fact, still real there. That meant I couldn't be there forever-ever. Even if that's not what it meant, I had this theory in my head that if I proved time never stopped in there that meant time in the Before hadn't stopped either and that meant I could get back. I hoped, sighing at the lack of sense in my thought process. I closed my eyes and tried to pray.
YOU ARE READING
Empty.
Teen FictionA girl existing in emptiness, what she calls the Empty. She remembers the Before, but struggles to feel anything here. Consumed with her lack of emotion, she finally takes charge in attempt to change the circumstances.