The Sloan's Daughter

everything is fine

           Clara had spent the last two days at home relaxing and waiting for the amniocentesis results. Nick was able to come after school both days, which Clara was grateful for. Arizona had advised a week of rest, but unfortunately, as a high school student, that was unattainable.
         Today Clara was back to school. And, God, she hated it. Her bed had never sounded more appealing than it did as she made her way through the overcrowded halls of Ballard High. She pulled out her Science and English textbooks, shoving them both in her locker. Her first class of the day was Cosmetology, and she was not going to lug around a fifteen pound bag with her for that. She picked up her backpack, and when she looked down, she could see her stomach popping out. Please stop making yourself so noticeable, she thought. She was always so jealous of the girls that had a flat stomach at sixteen weeks, especially the ones with a planned pregnancy. She always wished she could trade with them. Surely they would want a bump. They wanted it to be noticed. Meanwhile, Clara didn't. She wasn't ready for the inevitable stream of comments from other teenagers and students around her. She knew she fucked up. And she didn't need everyone else thinking that about her. Plus, she liked having her baby as her little secret. Only the people she loved most knew. Pretty soon, her name and her baby would be in everyone's mouths. She pushed the thought back, in the darkest parts of her mind, and continued with her day. She didn't want to have yet another thing clouding her thoughts today.
          In second period, Clara's hand shot up. Mr. Johnson glanced at Clara's hand, but continued to read off the Shakespeare quote they were analyzing. "Clara?" he prompted her to ask her question.
          "Can I go to the bathroom?" The baby was currently perched on top of her bladder, and she was pretty sure she had just peed herself.
          "Lunch is in ten minutes. Can you wait?"
          Clara shook her head. I'm pregnant, she thought, just let me go!
          Mr. Johnson reluctantly sighed and nodded. Clara ran off, not bothering to grab her things. She would just grab them at lunch if she didn't make it back in time for the rest of class, which was more than likely. She pulled her pants down and sat on the toilet. Her relief only lasted a second, because when she looked down, there was spots of blood in her underwear. Her heartrate quickened and numbness travelled up her neck and cheeks. She looked up at the speckled ceiling, trying to take a deep breath and stop herself from breaking down into tears right there. It was useless. She took short, shallow breaths while she pulled her pants up and ran out of the stall. She quickly washed her hands and ran back to her English class. The room fell quiet when she ran in, shoved her belongings into her bag, and ran out the door.
        Clara bumped shoulders with another teacher, Mrs. McIntyre, who had tried to stop her to ask where she was going, but Clara kept her head down and kept running down the hall. She swiped at the tears on her cheeks as she stared into Ellis' classroom, right at her. She waited for a second before pulling out her phone and texting her.
I need you, she texted, I'm outside Goodyear's classroom. I need you to drive me to the hospital, she waited a beat, Now.
         Ellis and Clara locked eyes through the small glass window, and immediately Ellis knew this was serious. Her best friend's eyes were bloodshot and already puffy, and she was shaking. Clara heard Ellis' muffled voice, and then the rustling of her bag. "What's going on? Are you okay?" she asked, before the door even closed behind her.
        "I'm bleeding, El. I'm not supposed to bleed. I... I think I'm having a miscarriage." At the words, Clara broke down in tears. Ellis grabbed her hand, palm-to-palm like they did when they were little, and they ran to her car.
        "Are you okay?" Ellis asked again. She took the car out of park and pulled out, onto the road. The radio softly played. Neither of them bothered to turn it off.
         "If you keep asking me that I might break something," Clara regretted it the minute it left her mouth, and she almost apologized, or at least try to show it was a joke, but Ellis spoke before she could.
         "Have you told Nick?"
         "No."
         "What?" She looked at her. "Clare, this is his baby, too. You have to tell him."
          She frantically shook her head. "No, I can't. I'm not going to."
          "Clara, you need to,"
         "I can't," Clara said, much louder than intended. "I can't because this is my fault. If I didn't get that fucking test, this wouldn't be happening. I insisted on it, and he didn't want to. He was right. And it's my fault my baby's dead." She sobbed.
        "Hey, hey," Ellis reached over and took her hand. "This is not your fault. And this could something else. You know that. Bleeding can happen without miscarrying, right?"
        Clara nodded, unable to catch her breath. The tears were consistently flowing down her cheeks.