The Sloan's Daughter

coming to terms

Clara stood under the water stream of the shower, letting it wash away her unpleasant thoughts about the day ahead of her. She would be seeing her baby in just a few hours. It excited and worried her. The past week had been difficult, to say the least. She and Nick had gone back and forth on their decision. They had two options now. Termination and, of course, raising it-- adoption was too hard to fathom. She thought she had decided to keep it, and yet, there was this dwelling doubt when she thought about her future as a mother. She didn't feel she was ready for that responsibility yet. But what seventeen year old was ready and willing to alter their life completely?

She stepped out of the shower. She dried herself off before changing into the clothes she already had set out for herself. During this, she dropped her shirt. With the movement of bending down quickly, she felt nausea creep up her throat.

"Clara, are you ready?" she heard her mother call out to her. Clara knew if she didn't respond, she would be right next to her, holding her hair and rubbing her back. As nice as it sounded, it wasn't necessary, or practical with the time crunch they were currently on. Her appointment started in twenty minutes, and they had a fifteen minute drive ahead of them

"Yeah. Coming." she collected herself before grabbing her purse and making her way downstairs to the car.

"Are you okay?" Lexie asked as she pulled out of their driveway. She frowned when all she got was a unconvincing nod. "This is exciting,"

"I know," she nodded again. "But what if when I see it, I decide I don't want it? And what if its too late, and I have to keep it," she stressed.

"That won't happen. Neither of it will. Once you see your baby, everything will feel so much more real. Right now, all you have is the idea of a baby," she assured, reaching over to take her hand. "If you decide you don't want it, that's okay. I'll support you either way." she squeezed her hand before letting go.

Clara flinched slightly at the coldness of the gel, but quickly eased. Nick and her mother were by her side, Arizona Robbins on her other side. They talked for a few minutes about how she was feeling, when her last period was, and all the other information Arizona needed before starting the ultrasound. Clara finally, and officially, knew how far along she was. Ten weeks. Two and a half months. Disregarding how she knew for a month before going to the doctors, that felt a little too far along to abort. She didn't completely push the idea away. However, once she saw the baby, it all changed. It had an easily distinguishable head and body, and four nubs as little arms and legs already.

"They're already moving," she smiled, watching as the small figure move around in her belly. "I didn't think they did that for, like, ten more weeks,"

"You probably won't feel it for another week or two, but it's definitely moving around right now," said Arizona as she examined the baby. She narrowed her eyes, adjusting the wand on Clara's abdomen.

"What?" Nick asked, trying to peer over his girlfriend to get a better look. "Don't tell me it's two." he chuckled nervously. One was a lot to comprehend. Two would be impossible.

"No, no," she shook her head, but never took her eyes away from the screen. She let out a breath, relaxing her shoulders. "Everything's okay. I just thought, for a second, I saw early signs of Down Syndrome. But, everything looks good. We'll just keep a close eye on it. Do you want to hear the heartbeat?" she asked. She got three eager nods in return.  She turned the sound on and smiled softly as it filled the room.

Whomp. Thump. Whomp.

Clara smiled, looking up at Nick. She squeezed his hand that was already in hers. At some point, they began holding hands, and never stopped. "That's our baby's heart," She sniffled, her hazel eyes shining. Nick responded with an underwhelming smile. He was visibly nervous. But she was scared it went beyond the nerves of becoming a dad. She was already prepared to alter her life in whatever way needed. Was he?

After, Lexie and Arizona had stepped out to fill out some paperwork, but mostly to give Clara and Nick some time alone together. Clara still sat on the exam table, with the sonogram photos and a bottle of prenatal vitamins she had to start taking, while Nick stood next to her. She pressed her finger to the spot where the baby was. She already missed watching it move around. "So, what's your decision?" he asked, but the answer was clear.

"We keep it," she responded, keeping her eyes down on the photo. Something about his lack of response told her he wasn't on the same page. "Why don't you want to?"

"I do," he spat out quickly. "It's just a lot, you know. We've got high school to finish, then college. And I'll be traveling a lot with my work."- if he even pursues that -"Will we even be able to give it a good life?"

She gave him a puzzled, yet annoyed look. He had used those excuses plenty of times before. She thought, either say it or find better excuses. "I can't get rid of them, Nick. I just can't. I know we're only seventeen and eighteen, but I truly believe we will give them a life worth living. I will, at least." she protectively placed her hand on her cotton covered abdomen.

"What is that supposed to mean? Did you already kick out of it's life before it's even a real baby?"

"What? You kind of already kicked yourself out by saying all that," said Clara. "I'm tired of these excuses, Nick. Just tell me. Do you want to raise this baby with me or not? Because I'm going to either way," she felt a little guilty for this ultimatum, but she had made up her mind. She loved her baby so much already.

"I don't know. Yes," he nodded. "Yes. I'm staying. I love you," Say it, say it, say it, Clara thought. "Both of you." Despite the pause, he seemed genuine. It seemed like he really did love them both, however love wasn't enough in some cases.

"I love you, too." Clara replied quickly as she slid off the table. "I'll see you at school tomorrow." she said, tugging the door open, then leaving. It felt weird, being in that room, knowing that the next day she would be in school, pretending like everything was normal. Like yesterday really was just a sick day.

At home, Clara anxiously awaited her brothers arrival, holding the ultrasound to her stomach. Besides her parents, she was most nervous to tell Sam. He was her big brother, and even though he never said it, and as much as he teased her, she knew he had a pact with himself to keep her safe at all costs.

"Hey, tweety." Sam mindlessly greeted, tossing his duffel bag by the couch. His dirty blonde hair was shaggy and sat on the top of his head, like a mop. He had blue eyes, as well. He was practically a carbon copy of their father, Mark Sloan. He had the next week off of school for Thanksgiving. For the past two years, the Sloan family usual spent the first half as just the four of them, watching movies, playing games, and overall spending time together while they could. Then they had a big dinner with their cousins and friends. The last day was spent decorating for Christmas. That was Clara's favourite day.

"Hi, Samuel." she responded, mindlessly as well. She quickly shoved the ultrasound into his chest. She waited for him to look at it before saying, "Surprise."

"Is this . . . yours?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. No relief was given to him when she nodded. "I have three questions," he started. "Are you keeping it? How far along? And . . . Nick?"

"Yes. Ten weeks. And obviously,"

"Okay . . ." he nodded, trying to process the thought of his little sister becoming a mother. Selfishly, he didn't want things to change. And he knew, with a baby, it was inevitable. He looked over the picture one last time before handing it back to her. "Looks like Nick." he teased, walking into the kitchen to say hello to their father.

Clara was surprised- no, shocked- he wasn't angry with her. He was hesitant, for sure, but supportive as well. She thought there would be yelling, and a lot of it, then support. But not the immediate support she was given. Maybe the yelling would come later. Or she had completely miscalculated him. She wanted to believe it was the latter of the two.