Deception | harry styles

Nine

After Harry left my apartment last time, I wasn't expecting to be in this position again. The rain was falling quite hard as we got into his car. Being in his car feels foreign yet safe, for some reason. The rain sounded like pebbles hitting glass as the raindrops fell on the window. It was silent until Harry asked, "Do you want to pick a song?" I nodded in response. He held his phone out for me to take. When I picked the song, I handed his phone back to him. He took it out of my hand and set it next to him.

Whispered something in your ear, it was a perverted thing to say
But I said it anyway, made you smile and look away

"Cigarettes After Sex." He pointed out. He sounded soft-spoken at that moment, his accent sounding smoother than it ever had. I nodded, a soft smile on my face.

"Harry?"

"Hm?" he hummed in response. This always happens. Me saying his name, him humming in response.

"Do you hate me?" I asked him. He was quiet for a moment, before answering. He had pulled out of the parking lot.

"Yes."—is what his response was. The road we were on was packed, even though it was only around nine.

"Okay," I replied. "I don't understand..."

"Understand what?" he questioned.

"Why you hate me.." I continued. "Why do you hate me, Harry?" I asked quietly.

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby
As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine

"Because of the way you make me feel." He told me.

"How do I make you feel?" I asked, wanting to know his reasoning--wanting to know exactly how he feels. I waited for him to go on, but he never did.

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby
Nothing's gonna take you from my side

"I don't know," he said. "Different." He seemed reluctant to answer my question.

Harry was gripping the steering wheel, his fingers drumming to no beat in particular. His white shirt and flannel clung to his body nicely—showed off his body. His jaw was clenched, the tattoos on his wrist visible from the sleeve of his flannel riding up his arm. The rain was falling even harder than before. I didn't know what to say at this point.

"If I'm not gonna get an answer—" I stopped. "I'm getting out of the car." Harry didn't say anything. He didn't even nod, or look at me. He just stayed in the same position, as if I didn't say anything. "Bye, Harry." I reached for the door handle, pulling it. The door started to open, but then I heard Harry faintly.

"Celeste."

His voice was quiet, like he was ashamed to say my name. He wasn't even looking at me, nor the window. He was staring at his lap, a distressed look on his face. "You make me forget who I am—who I really am. You make me become my old self again. Before I was The Rupture. Before I started fighting. When I was in a band with the boys—just, I don't know, Celeste."

"You don't like to fight?" I questioned curiously. He sighed, staying quiet for a moment before speaking again. He pulled into the nearest empty parking lot before he spoke again.

When we dance in my living room
To that silly 90's R&B

"I like to fight," he told me. "It just gets tiring sometimes. My entire reputation comes from beating the shit out of people, Celeste—you have to understand where I'm coming from for that..." he stopped. My eyebrows furrowed as I waited for him to continue. "It's like... everyone's scared of me." Something about this made my heart ache. I had met Harry hardly over a month ago, and I've only been with him a few times—but he's vulnerable now. He's revealing himself to me,  but I know. I know he's going to regret this in the morning. Maybe not even the morning, honestly—he could start regretting this five minutes from now. "I thought this life was what I wanted, but I'm not so sure now."