🌼When Autumn Leave Shed On The Ground🌼

The Waves Of Memory

I saw her that day for the first time....

Raindrops was falling on my face.It was as dark with my eyes open as when they were closed. Everything was still same.

Nothing changed.

I took a look around.The same scenario . Everything around there as if drowning in the layer of despair. I tried to push myself up from the ground by one hand but stopped .

Why I had to suffer from all of these?

The Key To Your feelings........again the voice flooded away.

I smirked.I wanted to flee from the fear and despair that continuously keeping haunted me. But they had brought me stuck amidst that.

At first I thought all of this to be my hallucination, but it remain continued.

I felt shaky and chilly all over. I was too weak to walk. But a agony inside me pushed to bent steps . I become numb to the cold.I blinked slowly and dozed of.

I've lost it, I murmured .

I'd never wanted a life like that. I always tried to find my color through my laughter, then why I can't see the end of the tunnel?

I had no destination to go.Maybe I'd to live my life being stuck in this loop.

I really didn't know from where the loneliness were being born.

I wanted to look away from my pains, but I couldn't.

It felt my knees would give in anytime.I was out of breath and my heart was throbbing but I kept running. Running from my fears, running from my emotions, running from everything.

Everything was becoming dim in front of my eyes. The more I wanted to embrace happiness, the more it took cost from me. The more I reached out my hands , the more I kept getting answers streaming down with weary sighs.

Amidst the sounds of raindrops falling and the leaves rustling, I heard a delicate melody continued to drift towards me.

I got startled . It was that melody . The melody that I'd been tried hard to discern. Why it always came to me and gave a feeling of loosing something very warm? It was closer to a raw emotion than any melody. It stimulated my pain that I had been trying to run from.

I marched forward to the direction where the melody came from.Heavy drops of rain struck my head.My shirt was dripping wet.My body shivers so severely that it couldn't take another step on ground.But I still kept darting off. I had to find out the melody.

That's not the first time for me. Before that, several time I had go through this pain and ended up opening my eyes to find the ceiling of my room.Maybe today was also another one of them.

I concentrated harder. I grimaced.The sound was barely audible being interrupted by the sound of raindrops.

Somewhere from the core of my heart wanted to endure all this pain. Aren't I being too greedy for happiness? Maybe.....but I didn't have any second path to choose. It allegedly seemed like the ground under my feet is feeling heavier day by day.

Sometimes I wondered what would I do even if I catched out the melody? What would change if I do? Could I even gain the sense of accomplishment to escape from this?

I was panting heavily. I was reminded of my whole life in a glimpse. All my senses came rushing back .It contained my fear, fatigue, cowardice and at the same time immense affection for some feelings. It contained all the moments I'd spent in my life, some were overwhelmed with joy, some were frightful enough to reprimand myself.It felt as if all this memories exploded my head in pieces. I covered my head with both arms.

Suddenly the pain got severed.
The images that shimmered in the far distance drew near. Fog started to disappear. The sky turned even more grayer in a flash. I found myself standing in a wood plunged with loneliness and a blue sea stirred beyond that. I raised my head and looked onto the desolate wood. .

The rain was gradually subsiding. My body was trembling as if it would fell down any moment. But I continued walking haphazardly.

What would it all mean ? I still couldn't find the answers. But there's something inside me who was pushing me to keep chasing after this. I was tedious but the melody was driving my sense.

I chuckled , even for sometimes, I felt like, it'd never come to an end. It'd end up taking my life. What if I died here? It was making me distorted. I closed my eyes and felt everything surrounding me even more vividly. The sound of rain drops splashing on the ground rolling down my cheeks, the biting cold, the chilly wind, the smell of soil, the rustling sound of leaves, and murmur of loneliness echoed from around everywhere.

The melody was subsiding with every step I took. I grew my pace . The more I darted off towards the melody , the more severe the pain became.But I kept stragering.

I finally stopped walking after wondering for hours. Actually my legs bound me.I felt almost collapsed.My pace grew slower and slower.Suddenly a sunny reminisce appeared before my eyes.

An aged woman was sitting on the string bed, under a large tree, knitting a woollen scarf . Near her , a little boy was playing on the ground.

She called the boy, "Taehyung-ah! Come here my child."

The boy rushed to her. "Grandma!"

she wrapped the scarf around his neck and said, "It's getting cold. Always wrap it around,okay?"

"Okay grandma! " he replied showing his boxy smile.

She took him on her lap,"Taehyung-ah, always remain happy my child,think of the beauty left around you and be happy. In the long run , this will help you . Always keep trying to find out the angel that gives you gentle spirit"

''What's an angel, grandma?" the boy asked him with great enthusiasm, his eyes were shining with smile.

"It can be a person...whom you can share your feelings. Or it can be resembled as a desire to make yourself true to your emotions ."

"Really?" the boy seemed curious,"Then where's my angel grandma?"

"It likes a feeling my child, just like when you were walking alone in a cold winter street and thought of getting a cup of hot milk would be better . But then from where you would get milk there? You became sad.

But what if you suddenly find yourself confined in a warm embrace . Wouldn't you feel so warm ? Wouldn't this warm gives you happiness?

"This happiness will bring your angel, Taehyung-ah," she said smilingly.

One more thing my child,to find out your angel, at first you've to discover yourself .I know , on the other side of it, you will find your angel.

The life is like a road my son. The road is long and lonely and the end is far away. even though it's tough, but you can endure it and keep going.Keep carrying in pursuit of your quest.

Find that embrace my boy, don't think of the chill ."

The boy cuddled her tightly ,"Grandma, will you help me to find my angel?"

She smiled , caressed his hair and said, Don't worry dear.Each passing memory will be there to guide you.Just let the sweet sunbeams ablaze your soul"

I heard a mirror being cracked at a faraway distance. All the memories just swept away.I became numb to stand there. I couldn't take it anymore. What was going into my lungs didn't feel like air. I couldn't breadth . My body felt as if it was shivering up. I lost my footing right at that moment as I was faltering. I couldn't hold it. My knees gave in. I closed my eyes.

But then I felt two arms embracing around me.All my energy had run dry. I barely managed  my balance. I was out of breath, panting crazily. In that right time I reminisced my grandma's face.

" Find that embrace my boy, don't think of the chill ."

I looked back at my savior. .

"What do you see in the mirror right now?" Someone whispered into my ears.

Suddenly everything became brighter. Dark cloud stirred up from the sky and the glade ablaze with sunbeams.