The Measure of a Man { BTS Taehyung Series }

Chapter 3

Tae stood in his dressing room holding a bouquet of orchids behind his back. He looked at his watch nervously. Mari was five minutes late. It must be traffic or something, he thought anxiously. He was hoping that the flowers would be well-received. He wasn't totally sure how things were between them since the last time they had met and he had kissed her, perhaps too enthusiastically. Still, he felt like he wanted to confess his feelings the old-school way, and he hoped she would respond well to it. I probably should have confessed BEFORE I kissed her, but what's done is done, he thought.

Just then, Mari poked her head into the doorway. She slid silently into the room without looking at Tae and set her things on the table, as was her custom. Tae cleared his throat, hoping she would look up at him. He kept the flowers securely out of sight behind his back as he drew closer to Mari.

"I have your pants ready for you to try on," Mari said flatly.

"Oh," was Tae's simple reply.

Mari paused before continuing. "I need to be clear that what happened last time can never happen again. You took advantage of your position of power and I don't appreciate it," she said. "You had no right to treat me like that," proceeded Mari. "I hope that from now on, we can maintain professionalism," she finished, willing her backbone to hold her up straight.

"Power?" Tae asked in bewilderment.

"Please, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. You're a K-pop star and I'm a just a regular person, but that doesn't mean that you can do anything you want to me. I deserve respect too," said Mari, finally raising her eyes to meet Tae's.

"Of course," he said, blinking several times. "I never meant to disrespect you in any way. I just ---." He backed toward the garbage can and dropped the flowers into it soundlessly.

"Never mind," said Mari hastily. "We have work to do."

"Sure," said Tae as he tried to swallow the lump that had lodged in his throat. Mari handed him a shirt and the pants from the last time. He went behind the privacy screen and put them on. He tried to process what had just happened. Things had taken a negative turn quite quickly and he felt disoriented. She said he had taken advantage of her, a thought which made him feel slightly sick to his stomach. His grandma always told him to respect women and to never push them to do anything they didn't want to do. He thought he had her implicit consent for the kiss, but maybe he had been wrong. The difference in their social status had not crossed his mind. He still felt like that quirky kid who spent his days pulling weeds with his grandma on her farm. I mean, that's who I am inside. I guess I should have thought more about who I seem to be to other people, he pondered. He wanted to apologize, but he was afraid of making things worse. She seemed to feel the conversation was over.

He stepped out from behind the screen and stood in front of her with his arms stretched out at his side. She pulled at the fabric and pinned up the sides carefully, making it a slightly closer fit.

"Arms down, please," she said as she busied herself checking the fit on Tae's shoulders. Then she turned her attention to the pants, which seemed to be a perfect fit now, hugging his muscular thighs and flaring out into a boot cut on the bottom.

"OK, Mr. Kim, I think we're done for today. Just change and I'll take all this back to the shop and get it finished in time for the photo shoot.

"You're calling me 'Mr. Kim' now?" he asked, attempting to hide the hurt in his eyes.

"I think it's for the best. Don't you?" she answered, shoving her things in her large tan bag as quickly as possible. She gathered up some fabric scraps and took them to the garbage can. Looking down, she saw the bouquet of orchids lying on top of a pizza box and a squashed 2-liter soda bottle.

Why would anyone throw out a perfectly fresh bouquet of flowers? she thought. She was so lost in thought that she never heard Tae approaching. He looked down at the bouquet as well. Finally, their eyes met, and Tae said, "I figured you didn't want them since you're mad at me about last time." His voice was barely above a whisper as he said, "I'm really sorry about what I did."

Mari took a step back, wanting to put space between them because she didn't trust herself to keep her newly implemented boundary.

"I see now what I did wrong," proceeded Tae with contrition in his voice. "I should have told you I like you first. I should have asked you out loud if it was OK to kiss you. I should have never assumed that you wanted to kiss me. That was my mistake and I'm sorry," Tae repeated his apology.

"No need to apologize, Mr. Kim. We'll put it behind us and move forward in a professional manner," Mari said with an external conviction that didn't quite match her insides.

"Again, with the 'Mr. Kim,'" he bemoaned. "Come on, I admitted that I messed up. What can I do to make it right?"

"You don't need to do anything," replied Mari, dropping the fabric scraps on top of the flowers. She pushed past Tae and grabbed her bag in a gesture that indicated that she was ready to leave.

Tae reached out and grabbed her wrist. She stood silently staring at his hand on her wrist until he released her.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I just don't want you to go with things so messed up between us. Can we talk about it and work it out?" he asked with evident desperation.

"There really isn't anything to talk about. I just don't want to be your plaything. I'm sure that's hard for you to understand since you are used to getting everything you want, but I won't allow you to mess with me just because I'm small and insignificant," she replied with shades of Jane Eyer. An errant tear slipped down her cheek as she turned away from him.

"Oh, damn," he whispered. "I didn't realize how I came off to you. I didn't know that you saw me as a spoiled idol who just uses the people around him. Wow. OK, well, I guess I can see why you are angry, if that's the way you see me," he conceded, placing his hands awkwardly into his back pockets. "It wasn't my intention to offend you. Actually, as you can see," he said motioning to the discarded flowers, "I wanted to confess to you. I guess that didn't go the way I had hoped," he lamented.

Mari studied him closely, looking for any shred of irony or insincerity. She tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear and stared up at him with her clear hazel eyes.

"Honestly, it makes me feel a little bit sick inside that I hurt you," he admitted, reminding himself to keep his hands in his pockets and not reach out to stroke her soft cheek. "What can I do to make it right?" he asked as he perceived a slight softening of her features.

"I don't know," Mari replied, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I guess I just wanted you to know you can't mess with me," she said, feeling slightly sorry for Tae as he looked like a toddler who had lost his teddy bear.

"I really wasn't trying to mess with you. I swear," Tae vowed, raising his right hand.

"Yeah," Mari laughed nervously. "Maybe I overreacted a little. You just have to see it from my perspective. I'm nobody and you're a major superstar," she explained the obvious.

"OK, first, you're not nobody, and second, I'm still the dorky little squirt who got discovered out of oblivion. I don't feel like I've changed that much from that guy. I grew up on a farm, for goodness' sake! I used to have to scrub the dirt out from under my fingernails every night before dinner. In my heart, I'm still that kid. I'm just a guy who put his heart out there and got rejected," he said with a self-deprecating frown.

Mari reached into the garbage can and pulled out the orchids, brushing a few stray threads off them.

"Can I still have these?" she asked a stunned Tae whose mouth hung open like a cod fish.

"I can't believe you got them out of the garbage!" he marveled.

"Well, my mom always taught me, 'Waste not, want not,'" she said with a grin.