The Perfect Luna

needing you the most

I do not know how long I sat on the floor, crying, pouring, grieving my whole heart out. I could not breathe, the room was big but I felt like I was suffocating.

The blood on my hands have dried up and I didn't even dare to look down.

I want to say that I feel empty, but that's false. I was so full with pain and hurt and I didn't know what to do. I was so full of hurt and pain that I just felt... empty.

I thought of Archer, I really wanted him to be here.

I really need him here right now.

But he isn't here.

"Hazel? Hazel, are you-- oh my goodness, Hazel!"

I turned to the door and saw Frances running towards me. She was about to bend down to help me up but then she saw all the blood around me and the mess that I was.

She swallowed as she tried to connect the dots, slowly, she sat beside me. I could sense that she felt bad for me and that made me feel worse.

Frances slowly took my hand up and she tried to feel my pulse.

"Wh--what happened?" she asked, fear in her voice, maybe she didn't really want to know, maybe she was scared to know.

Void of any emotions, I turned my head towards her. "I-- I--"

I couldn't even bring myself to say it. I couldn't say the words because if I said it, then it'd be true. Then I would have really lost my baby. And I couldn't do that.

Just as I thought that the tears were all emptied out, I was wrong because tears started forming again and I wasn't able to say anything to Frances, I just started sobbing.

She must have noticed that and she didn't press on, I'm guessing maybe she had an idea, but she was too scared to confirm it.

"I-it's okay. Let's get you cleaned up first."

Frances stood up and ran to the bathroom. She probably couldn't find the things she needed so she ran downstairs real quick and came back with a basin of water and a towel.

She started wiping away the blood from my hands. She helped me stand up and sit on the bed as she cleaned up the blood on the floor.

I watched as she cleaned all the blood up and then she encountered the clump of blood and the other smaller clumps of blood and she stopped.

I could feel my breath getting ragged, she looked up to me and the tears came all pouring down once more and the aching started again, not that it ever stopped.

I laid down the bed and cried harder on the pillows.

For how long I cried again, I don't know.

Frances had prepared a bath for me and she convinced me to clean myself up and I did. Although she did have to check on me a couple of times again.