A World in the Shadows

Chapter 7, Lyra

Chapter 7

Lyra

I sat on the floor of the orphanage greenhouse, staring at the broken pots that surrounded me. I didn't even know why I was crying. I hated crying, it made me feel weak and powerless, and I couldn't understand why here, of all places, I had chosen to cry. It was Ethan. I was being an idiot- I didn't know him. Not really. I was doing it all over again, getting close to people I shouldn't. Ethan was different. He was kind, and reckless and funny. But he was a person I barely knew, and I didn't understand why the hell I was here, seeing him. He felt so right, and I didn't have to think when we were together. But I wasn't paying attention to myself, and it was Jenna I had to focus on, not an incredibly good-looking 20year old who smelled like coffee and had a crooked smile. I slung my arm over my eyes, wiping away the tears and shut my eyes for a second. 

"Stop breathing!" Came a hushed whisper from behind me. I looked up, and swivelled my body so I was looking in the direction of the whisper. I could see two lumps behind a large pot plant and I casually touched one with my hand, frowning. It jolted, and a head jolted out, with a mess of fiery red hair. It was Matt.

"What the-" I murmured, looking at him. "What are you-?"  I stopped talking, at a loss with the situation and pulled his arm so he fell on the greenhouse floor beside me. After a moment’s hesitation, Jacob rose from beside him and sat across from me.

“Sorry” Jacob muttered, tousling his brown hair and staring at his feet. “We came here to escape but then you were already here and we didn’t want to disturb you” I smiled and tried to look less like I had just been crying.

“That’s okay” I said. “Who were you escaping from?”

“Ethan” Matt said slowly. When I looked at him quizzically he sighed.  “We were fighting…” I raised my eyebrows and looked away.  Jacob stood up, clearly seeing I needed to talk to Matt.

“I have to clean… a thing” he said hastily, backing out of the room. I turned to Matt when he had left and stared at him.

“What were you fighting about?”

“You, actually” he whispered. Oh. That changed things.

“What about me?” I said, trying to hide a hysterical edge to my voice.

“How… you’re way too good for him.” He said, his voice going quieter as he looked at me. Okay, well maybe Ethan and I look like we know each other better than we do.

“Ethan and I… we’re not-”

“I know. But you are. You’re way too good for him” I looked at Matt’s face in the light from the sun outside. Weren’t him and Ethan meant to be friends? When I didn’t reply, Matt lightly touched my hand. “He’s my best friend. And I know everything about him. And that’s exactly why I know you’re too good for him. You’re kind, and honest, and funny. You’re worth so much Lyra. I’ve barely spent two hours with you but I know all of that already. You have been through so much and I can’t let Ethan be another thing that you have to go through. He will break you, and I can guarantee that. You can’t trust him. I know the things he’s done, the things he’s said to people. You have to let him go Lyra.” My breath caught in my throat and I turned towards Matt, leaning my head on his shoulder.     

“I know what I’m doing. But I promise you, there’s nothing romantic between Ethan and me. And there never will be.” I said, watching my hands.

“Okay” he said. “Just be careful, okay?” I tilted my head and looked up at him, at his brown eyes calculating my face. He leant down towards me and kissed me, softly and quickly, barely anything at all. I shut my eyes. What the hell happened to don’t get attached?

We got up and left the greenhouse, trailing back to the main hall. I froze as soon as I took in the scene around me. There were two flustered sisters, hastily running around with brooms, and a broken window trailing glass remains all over the room. I walked up to Sister Margaret and carefully took the broom from her arms that she was twisting in her hands.

“What happened?” I asked softly. 

“Ethan… he ran away through the window, no one can find him… the police are looking…” she sat down, directly in the middle of the floor and threw her head in her arms. I placed my hand on her shoulders, a million things running through my head. How could he do this to me? I looked and saw Matt beside me, his fists clenched and his jaw set, hard. Maybe he was right. Maybe I couldn’t trust Ethan. But I had. And it was too late now. I was too far gone.