Reason #4: Babies like him (If a baby doesn't like you, you're at fault)
"[NAME], WHOSE BABY IS THAT?" YOUR PINK-HAIRED FRIEND ASKS. For some odd reason, you always ended up with things that didn't belong to you. This baby wasn't scratching the surface of what you managed to have in your possession. You barely cared for yourself correctly, so you definitely couldn't do the same for an infant. She knew that for sure.
"Don't tell me you stole the child from the hospital." Sakura looks at you knowingly.
You briefly look up from the baby in your arms, rolling your eyes. "I did not steal this baby Sakura. You think I would do something as reckless as that?" You ask, holding the child with the support of your hip.
"[Name] you took all those kids from the orphanage. If that's not reckless to you, then I don't know what to say!" Sakura says, still lingering in disbelief. She couldn't fathom why you would even do that in the first place. She also failed to understand why you didn't get in trouble for that.
"And what about it? Those kids were better off with me in that garbage dump. I bet those children once enjoyed being out of that snotty hole." You state matter-of-factly.
"How are you even a ninja?" Sakura questions.
"How are you even a ninja? You spend more time hitting Naruto, your teammate, I might add, than actual enemies," You counter.
At that, Sakura's face blooms red. "T-that is not true!" She sputters, "And Naruto deserves every last one of those punches!"
"I beg to differ," You reply, cooing at the child within your arms. You smile softly as the infant grabs your fingers, blabbering nonsense. You didn't know what it was about children, but you adored them well when they weren't demons. "I think you should consider anger management classes, Sakura." You glance at her momentarily.
Sakura gives you a blank look. "I do not need anger management classes [Name]." She frowns before her eyes gaze at the baby in your hands. There's a sudden smile gracing her features.
"Could I see the baby?" She asks.
"Hmm, I'm not sure; your negative energy might disturb the kid." You reply with a shit-eating grin.
"Negative energy?" Sakura scoffs, "If anything, you're the negative energy. Everywhere you go, you cause trouble."
"Sai was right! You store all that negative energy in your big forehead Sakura, and now I understand why you become angry the way you do." You say, faking pity. You give her a pout for good measure. "You don't have to worry, though, as a good friend; I can find some opening in some anger management class for you in a jiffy!"
A few tic marks appear on Sakura's [redacted] forehead. She clenches her fist, narrowing her eyes at you. "If it weren't for the child, I would pummel you," She says through gritted teeth.
