Miraculous on Crack

Hawk Moth observed his dead wife from the window into the basement. She was still in her coma, as always. Welp, time to make another teen the embodiment of evil to try and bring her back for some reason. Anytime he tried to, though, Ladybug and Shat New-R always stopped him.

Natalie walked up to him, watching his stoic pondering face. She put a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. "Maybe you should try something new, sir. It pains me to see you suffering so," she said somberly as she squeezed his arm. "Try a different perspective, you know?" He pursed his lips and she'd wondered if she'd pushed too far.

Suddenly he turned towards her. "Maybe you're right." He looked so kissable right now, until Nathalie looked into his eyes. They looked dead. "I must go to studies now," he said.

He came to his desk, gathering his magic butterflies. "Come my pretties," he whispered. He had the perfect idea. He was going to stop this once and for all. He knew exactly who he was going to ukumatize. The one who always stopped him. Ladybug. But what about Shat New-R, you ask? Well, Ladybug pretty much had the only brain cell. Shat New-R had none. So that's who he was going to ukumatize.

He sent out his butterflies to go capture her. Out flew the butterflies, searching for their victim.

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Marinette watched as Adrien put an arm around Kagami's shoulder and sighed. She turned to her best friend that had brown hair and glasses bc she couldn't remember her name. "Wtf is up with her hair," she said while rolling her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Her best friend asked.

Marinette sprung into her fully prepared rant. "She has blue hair. I have blue hair. Unnatural colored hair is only for protagonists! Is she dying her hair? If she is she just looks like a Walmart version of me!" Suddenly a moth landed on her nose, tickling it. "Oh shit!" She swatted at it, but it fluttered to her ears. Suddenly a shock ran through her body as the moth attached onto her earring. She had lost her mind.

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Alya shook Marinette as she had a blank stare across her face. "Marinette?! What's wrong?" Then she saw the moth, and she knew her best friend had been akumatized. She ran to the only ones she knew could fix this. She must go to Ladybug and Shat New-R.

By the time she had started to call them, Shat New-R had already arrived at the scene. And it was a shocking scene. Marinette, his friend, had been akumatized. She had turned into... a dark version of Ladybug? Where was Ladybug anyway, she should have come to help him by now.

Shat New-R looked around frantically for the item that the moth might have latched onto. Usually it was Ladybug who was good at this stuff. But for some reason, she wasn't here. Then he spotted it, surprisingly quick. Marinette's earrings we're usually red, but now they were grey. They must be it. Already the dark ladybug Marinette had started to run away, causing havoc and destruction. He chased after her with his cat like reflexes, and caught up quickly to her. Doing this wouldn't be easy.

Finally, he pounced. Holding her down, he took off her earrings as carefully as he could while she was trying to kick him in the face. She tried to grab at him but he quickly jumped away. He found a sizable rock and smashed the earrings, releasing the moth. He clawed at it, and like a cat, he ate it. There we go, problem solved.

He ran back to Marinette, who sat up hazily on the ground. "Ugh... what happened?" She asked. She noticed that her ears suddenly felt bare. Frantically, she grabbed at them. "Where are my earrings?!" She gasped.

Chat Noir looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I had to destroy them. They were what made you akumatized."

"I was akumatized? Wait. No." She cried. "No. No, no, no, no, no. NO!"

"Hey, don't worry, I can buy you new ones!" He didn't understand why she was so upset.

"I can't just buy NEW ONES," she screamed. She ran towards the smashed bits of what remained and sobbed. "No... Tiki..." she cradled the broken pieces in her hands. "How could I fail you?"

"What's wrong?" Chat Noir asked.

"THAT WAS A FUCKING KWAMI YOU IDIOT." Tears streaked down her contorted face.

"I- what?"

"THAT WAS A KWAMI. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. AND YOU FUCJING KILLED HER." She held the broken pieces to her heart.

"Wait... you mean, you're actually Ladybug..." He clapped his hands over his mouth as the realization finally hit. He had realized what he'd done. He had destroyed Ladybu- Marinette's Kwami. Not knowing how to process all this he ran away, leaving Marinette sobbing in the dirt.

He ran to his mansion, looking frantically for something to fix this. Then he found it. A mysterious vial left on the desk of his father's desk, labelled "revival potion number 378." Quickly he grabbed it and dashed back to the scene, but by that time his powers had run out. He was Adrien again. But that didn't matter, he had to fix this.

Marinette heard footsteps pounding in her direction. She looked up to see Adrien, but not even the sight of him could make this better. Adrien rushed up to her. "Here, use this."

"I- what?"

"No time!" He said and poured the vial onto the smashed earrings. They looked at them expectantly, but nothing happened. Until they glowed. And were put back together!" Marinette threw her arms around Adrien.

"How did you know that would work?" She asked. "And how did you know I was here?"

He stared down at the ground. "It was my fault..."
In her mind it clicked.

She immediately started berating him about being Shat New-R. They started arguing about how stupid each other were. "Well maybe you would've known sooner if you didn't have dumb bitch disease!"

"Are you kidding me?!" He shouted. "You're the one with dumb bitch disease!"

Chloe scooches in between them and throws her arms over their shoulders. "Guys, guys. You both have dumb bitch disease." Kagami overheard the conversation from across the courtyard and shouted at Chloe.

"We all have dumb bitch disease! You ain't special!" And it was true. Everyone in that school was the dumbest bitch alive. Maybe even everyone in that universe.