Why now?

{Sequel} 3 - Tea

Dec thought about the previous night. Over and over and over again.

The same images playing in his head. Over and over again.

He looked at his hand and when he saw that he was shaking, he took a deep breath. God, this all couldn't be true, it just couldn't. He looked at his watch and sighed loudly. Only one minute had passed since he had talked to Ant.

God, how should he survive this talk?

"Because you, Mr. Donnelly, look fucking handsome tonight!"

Dec thought about how different Ant had been not even 24 hours ago. He saw his eyes, full of lust, how demanding and in a way dominant he was with him. How sexy, pressing him against the wall, whispering all those things into his ear, his hand inside his pants...

"Stop it!" Dec growled, trying to tell himself to leave it be.

There wasn't anything he could do anyways. He had to wait for Ant and God knows how they could solve this. As he had said to Ant, he didn't think there was a way.

Oh, how different Ant was now with him again. How he couldn't even remember how they had kissed and basically made love to each other. It hurt Dec so bad. But at the same time, he knew it wasn't right that he was sad about that. He knew he was lucky that Ant didn't remember all. Very lucky.

Dec knew exactly what he had to do. To save his friendship with Ant, to save his own life and above all his new marriage. He couldn't give in to those stupid stupid feelings.

Okay yes, he knew he liked men as well. He always had known. But no one else knew that. Not even Ant! And he couldn't just go and do stuff, after all he was fucking married! And he could absolutely kick himself for giving in the previous night. But Ant had been exactly how he liked men to be, powerful, demanding. And above all Ant. Dec had fantasised about it, many many times. But never to this extend of course.

A loud sigh escaped his mouth. God, he was mad at Ant. Why the hell did he just do stuff like that? Why?!

Dec looked at his watch again. 5 minutes. Great. He heard Ali rummaging in the kitchen, but he couldn't bring himself to go down to her. He had troubles facing her after what happened. He always saw Ant in front of him, and God knows he had tried hard not to think about this all day. But whenever he looked at Ali his mind was filled with guilt and all he could think about was the betrayal he had unknowingly put onto her.

And of course, Ant. Always Ant. He knew his mind was playing tricks on him. He had to stop this, he had to find a way to stop all this thinking. Ant would never ever want him and he knew that. This was a one-off, a drunken one on top. And Dec knew it would never ever happen again. And he knew that that was for the best, that he should just erase this whole thing out of his memory.

Dec was determined to do that, he just had to, it was as simple as that.

The only problem was, it wasn't. Although Dec was determined, although he knew it was wrong, this whole goddamn thing was wrong. But he also knew he was too weak. It was the one thing he always always fantasised about and it actually became true last night. And he absolutely was shaken by that, he didn't know what to do. Because if anything, this has proven him once more that he liked men as well. And one in particular. Always this one...

"You can't stop me" Ant grins in between kisses and fuck, that only makes Declan want him even more.

Damn, Dec wished nothing more than to go back to that moment. To have this man wanting him, with all that he has. To feel his hands on his body again, to taste his lips, to touch his... Goddamn!