Losing Hope

Family

The hair that had fallen from my ponytail blows back and my unzipped jacket does too. Every time I open the door to my apartment building it's like a hurricane. No one knows why, but every time the door opens there's a strong wind that blows you back.
I start the trudge up the stairs to my fifth floor apartment that I share with my sister. She had technically married her high school sweetheart, but she still lives with me and he lives with some of his friends.
I open the door to find the lights are off and a catastrophic amount of candles are burning in various places throughout the kitchen and living room. Some are tall and some are short. They range in colors and it's clear none of them were bought at the same time.
When you open the door to my apartment you walk into a run down, under appreciated kitchen. There are burners and an oven, but the only things we ever use are the microwave and the toaster.
There's a sad, beat up, white leather couch to my left that separates the living room from the kitchen.
The only expensive thing in the apartment is the flat screen which is currently playing Pulp Fiction.
Suddenly I see my sister's burning red hair flash over the top of the couch.
"Oh, um, you're home early." She says.
"Um... Ya there was no business." I say slowly as I walk over to her.
She's desperately clutching the blanket to her chest and her face is turning crimson.
She isn't wearing a shirt or bra.
As I walk over I realize she isn't alone on the couch either. "Um... Hey Mike." I stutter.
"Hey bells." He says as if nothing had happened. Luckily he still has a shirt on though.
Mike is my sister's husband. Mel, my sister, had agreed to not do things like this on our couch. There is suppose to be an all clothes stay on while there's company rule. I mean I didn't actually expect her to follow the rule, but really on our couch.
I walk away to hang my jacket on the back of the door. "I ran into this really weird guy on the street on my way home." I start.
Mel begins dressing herself, "What do you mean by weird?" She asks.
"Ya, is he like me weird or is he like creepy and shit?" Mike asks in the bizarre voice he uses whenever he is confused. He has a tendency of always sounding stoned even though he doesn't smoke.
"I don't know. He was rude and manipulative, but in a flirty way. I don't know. He was just weird, but in a good way. I don't know how to accurately describe it." I attempt to explain.
Mel sits up excited, "Wait, you want to talk about boys? You like boys?"
Mike continues, "Right? This is the first guy she's talked about since like Ri-" Mel stops him by elbowing him in the gut.
It was clear Mike didn't quite get the hint though. "It's funny too cause this dude sounds just like Ri-" Mel elbows Mike in the middle of his sentence again.
Mike tries to defend himself his voice a lot higher now, "Ow! I was just gonna say he's similar to Ri-" and Mel stops him again. This time she looks at Mike trying to say something with her eyes most likely.
He looks at her confused and just kind of pouts and says, "I was just gonna say they are similar."
I start toward my room. There are three doors across the kitchen from the door to leave; there is the bathroom, Mel's room, and my room.
I hurry and close the door behind me before they can say anything.
I put on comfortable clothes and set my alarm for early so I'll have time to do my homework. I can't focus on anything right now.
Everything hurts. Every inch of my body aches. I want to punch something, but I also want to curl into a ball and cry. I want to give up entirely. There is nothing left. No reason to push on. No reason to fight.
I only live to survive now. I live for the people that care about me, even though they are the reason I don't want to live anymore. I made a promise though. I promised.
I turn off the lights and blare music in my headphones. Loud enough that I can't hear myself think. If I think I'll hurt. I take the knife from my pocket and spin it on my finger.
I promised.