The Way This Feels

Chapter 26: Tremble

I stand outside, a chill has permeated the evening summer air. Violet and Spring are hovering on my porch despite the late hour to extend our conversation long passed what is necessary.

They just brought me home from a party over by Charlie's house, I'd thought a party would distract me from the shambles I've found the dregs of my life in, but it didn't. Charlie ignored me, although that was probably the only positive thing about the evening, I'm tired of hurting him all over again. So with nothing else to do, my brain worked away on thoughts of Micah. His house, the rough feel of the old couch in his little living room, the scattered pages from his demolished notebook. Words of his seemed to sift themselves through my mind, the sound of his voice, the odd little things he's interested in.

I was disappointed by how calm and cheerful those thoughts made me feel, and then frustrated and upset all over again by my newfound revelation. By my meaninglessness in the universe. 

Violet and Spring are still talking and talking, I remember vaguely to nod, smile, shift from foot to foot in the cold wind, make eye contact with whoever is talking, and smile again. 

Finally they let me go, and I trudge into the quiet house, my body heavy like I just heaved myself out of a pool. I feel sticky and smoky with party residue. The house is so quiet in direct contrast to the loud party and the consistent chatter from my two friends, I feel lonelier than ever and I hate it because that whole time, I thought I'd wanted to be alone.

Except I'm not alone. 

A pair of legs is hanging casually through my window, the sight of which sends me jumping about a foot in the air.

"Goddamn it, Micah." I hiss, slamming the door behind me a little harder than I mean to. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

He shrugs in an almost melancholic way, and leaps swiftly onto the carpet. He strikes me with his familiar X-Ray gaze, looking right through me. "Saw you leave that party, wondered if I could beat you here."

I can't help the offended scowl that creases all my features. "You were there? Why didn't you say hi? I was bored out of my skull."

"You acted like you needed a break from me. Anyway, I was incognito."

I roll my eyes without meaning to. Incognito my ass. But I guess now that I think about it, it wouldn't be unlike him to foil the plans of everyone who throws parties with their fingers crossed that the famed Micah Simon-Anders will blow it up with his infamy. Showing up in disguise or at least under the radar would scratch the ironic itch he's so eager to fulfill. I wonder how he does it, he's so tall.

"Right." I state, "So what are you doing here then?"

He takes a step toward me, his face still serious. "Like I said, wondered if I could beat you home. I'm surprised I did. Didn't you catch a ride in an actual car?"

"Yes, but Violet and Spring talked my ear off on the porch."

He takes another step toward me, the intensity of it makes me consider backing up. But I don't like it when he wins. He takes another step.

"Ah. Guilty. They were going to hang out without you after this."

"Always the perceptive one." I gulp. Another step, he's within 2 feet of me now.

"I feel bad." He says suddenly, and I blink, confused by the mixed emotions he's giving off. "You've been withdrawn a bit from me these last few days, I wanted to apologize for something I said."

"Why--"

"I misspoke. I said I fall in love with everyone I meet. I used that word too flippantly."