realization - iwaoi

prologue

Iwaizumis's chest was hurting. This chest pain had started a couple of months ago and had not gone away since.

He had not told anyone but Toruu about it but the brown-haired boy was as clueless as him.
At first, it hadn't bothered him that these little pangs of pain shot through his chest at any given time but it was getting more annoying by the day.

Oikawa was growing more concerned by the day and Iwa had the feeling that paying too much attention to them worsened the condition.

So when Oikawa asked him about his well being one afternoon after practice Iwaizumi smiled though the pain shot right through his heart and said:
"I'm fine Trashykawa. Stop asking me about it."

Oikawa was not one to distrust his friends and so he smiled and started talking about some upcoming match and how at least 7 girls had promised him to be there just for him.

Iwaizumi was not really listening to his best friend. He was still a bit concerned because of his chest and wasn't really interested in listening to Oikawa talk about girls. It wasn't that he was jealous per se. It was a weird feeling he always had when Oikawa brought up romantic relationships.

Iwaizumi didn't want a relationship and he didn't want fangirls either but Oikawa talking about the topic made him feel weird.

"You jealous, Iwa?" The taller boy asked with a small grin on his lips. Iwaizumi used to be taller than Oikawa growing up but now Oikawa towered over him. Iwa kinda liked looking up at his best friend, though. It was a nice feeling. Somehow.

"Jealous?" Maybe he should have listened 'cause he had no idea what Oikawa had been talking about.

The brunette boy stopped in his tracks and put a hand dramatically over his heart.
"You weren't even listening to me Iwa-chan? My heart is broken. Beyond repair." Now he threw the other hand over his eyes and turned his head away from Iwaizumi.
"Don't even try to fix it it won't work."

A giggle broke out of the two, though Iwaizumi quickly recovered and gave Oikawa a slight push.
"Sorry, I wasn't listening. What were you saying?"

"I was telling you about this new girl. She's friends with the cute one with the glasses and she.." I voluntarily Iwaizumis thoughts drifted off again.

It was usually very easy for him to listen to Oikawa talk and not say anything. He could do it for hours to end and did not get broad of his brunette best friend. Today, though, he had a hard time concentrating.

Toruu had been his best friend since their early childhood and Iwaizumi was sure they would continue to be friends until they died. Or at least he hoped so. He admired Oikawa more than any other person he knew.

He was the best Volleyball player he knew and the way he carried himself not only while playing but in general was astounding. Iwaizumi was never jealous of Oikawa's success because he knew he deserved it all.
Sure, he was a bit conceited from time to time but Iwaizumi was always there to keep him in line.

And even Oikawas rudeness was concealed by his charm and confidence.
His looks also helped. While Iwaizumi found himself to be rather dull looking his best friend was the complete opposite. He had soft light brown hair and mesmerizing eyes.
When Iwa looked up into them he knew every speck of color and how they looked when the light reflected onto them.

He knew everything about Oikawa.
It wasn't like he had studied his friend's body and personality but with a friendship like theirs, the familiarity was given.

He watched Toruus lips move and he could almost imagine when they felt li-

Abruptly he stopped his thoughts. From time to time a thought that wasn't very appropriate for a friendship slipped his mind and he found himself wondering about body parts of Oikawa he didn't know about all too well.

They weren't too intrusive and Iwa was mostly able to suppress them altogether but ever since the pain in his chest had started it was harder to keep them in.

He assumed everyone had those thoughts- especially everyone who was surrounded by Oikawa.

"...so what do you say?" Oikawa's brows moved up suggestingly. Iwaizumi was caught off guard and so he nodded quietly a stern expression on his face.

"Amazing. Thank you for being so understanding Iwa-chan. I knew you'd understand." Under his breath Oikawa murdered:
"Though I thought it would take a bit more convincing."

That made Iwaizumi think. What exactly had he agreed to? He raised an eyebrow questioningly but Oikawa had already started skipping ahead happily.

Iwaizumi decided to ignore whatever he had agreed to and picked up his pace as well.
"Hey wait for me Shittykawa!"

•

When Iwaizumi lay in his bed that night he could not ignore the chest pain any longer.
He hugged himself tightly and let out a silent cry of pain that turned into a sob.

He didn't even know why he was crying but letting the tears flow out of his eyes and the sobs shake his body felt oddly relieving.

The pain was slowly fading but with that came thoughts he had suppressed for as long as he had them.

Oikawa. Oikawa. Oikawa.

God, he didn't want to think.

One more thought and it would hit him and then there would be nothing shielding him from the ultimate truth anymore.

No, he couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever.