Jane is a 21 years old girl that has finally come to terms with her being bisexual. She works as part time nanny so that she can have money for college.
When the agency calls her, about a woman needing a nanny she accepts the job.
What they didn't...
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I dated him for two years. In the beginning it was like any other relationship.... fun,romantic, exciting,.... but about four months in things changed.
He said that we were "losing the mystery" which really meant that he was learning things about me, that he didn't like or approved of. Soon became more Specific- my clothes were silly, my hobbies stupid, my hair not flattering.
He dated other people claiming we never agreed to be committed, But when I showed interest in someone else he punished me with silence or mean-spirited arguments.
He criticized and blamed everything that went wrong in the relationship on me. If I were more fun, or less of a nag, if I was more excepting, if I were more thinner—. He would commit with me and we would be happy.
There was never any physical abuse but the emotional abuse was constant and extensive.
I tried to fix the situation. I tried to change who I was, make things more agreeable for him, placate him in all of the areas he complained about. What I discovered was that, not only did that not solve the problem.
It made me feel AWFUL— about myself and about life in general.
We had broken up NUMEROUS times, but there was obviously something that attracted us back to each other. It's was back-and-forth with reconciliation and followed by more break ups, that I had noticed that something was wrong. Eventually I did notice, but not until it nearly broke me—
I had hit rock bottom of depression and self loathing. It was not until it occurred to me, that it was the relationship, Not me, that was the problem.
I realize that over time that all the negativity I was feeling in my life. Anxiety, depression, self-doubt ect- was coming from the relationship.
End memory
"Sigh" why do shit keep happening to me. All I want is to be happy, I guess that won't work out will it. I just shake my head at the ridiculous thoughts, what I want doesn't exist. Take my situations for example, I have a boss who is obsessed with me and has terrible anger issues, but still my attraction hold high for her.
I started to cry, and turn my head towards the mirror across the wall in my room. I could see I was starting to break down yet again, my hands started to tremble while my eyes kept burning. My breathing was getting shorter, chest pains started to appear and not soon after nausea. My heart was racing so bad it hurt, but I couldn't move cause I felt so numb.
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^^ not mine
I was having a panic attack, I began to feel very dizzy. I tried to take a deep breath but it wasn't working, hot tears poured even faster. I then started to close my eyes,and try focusing on my breathing. It began to go down a little bit, then I started to picture my happy place.
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The ocean
The ocean and waves are very calming and beautiful to watch, feel and hear.
It lasted a couple hours, but eventually I started to feel myself again. I was tired, Exhausted I looked at the clock and see it's getting late, so I get ready for bed to welcome a new day.
Next day
I was at the front gates of Audrey mansion, she needed someone to watch her kids for the day, and of course I answered, I was to drained to argue with her on how I felt. Her kids were lovely absolutely angels, I mean they have there moments when there they become little nightmares, but it's not like that always so I was grateful for that.
She was in her office slaving away, looking very focused and determined to get her job done. I was staring at her through the glass window, waiting so that I could tell her that the kids are asleep and that I was headed out. No wear in particular, maybe the library.
I stood there seated in the chair outside her office waiting for my opportunity. She had calls coming from left and right, her face was starting to show she was getting a little tense. In the moment I got up and went to her door and open it , cause I felt if I waited in till It escalated. She wouldn't be nice to talk to, so With a leap of faith I went in.
Her head shot up to look at me, face scrunched up in displeasure of not wanting to be bothered.
But when she realized it was me it was switched with a smile
"Um... hey I know your really busy right now, but I just wanted to tell you that the kids are asleep and that I'll be heading out" I said softly but loud enough so she'll hear me. She suddenly looked disappointed at my statement
"W-wait won't do you stay the night" she said eyes holding panic through them. Was it me or did she stutter I questioned.
"Why?" I held a puzzled look, to her question
" I just really think you should spend the night hear, plus......... I haven't got to spend time with you and I really want to" she said with pleading eyes
" But I have no clothes or a toothbrush, and I will not be just be rubbing toothpaste on my teeth. That does nothing by the way, just letting you know" I said
I heard Audrey giggle, the sound of her voice was cute, it made me smile
"Of course you don't have those things silly, but I can provide them for you. You can sleep in one of my shirts and use my spare toothbrush that hasn't been opened" Audrey had a big smile on her face, everything about her turns me on. I couldn't help but to reciprocate the smile back
" Ok, sure" maybe having a sleepover isn't a bad idea, I could actually take this time to get to know her better or at least something. Witch She haven't already showed me her self.
Hopefully we can start slow and build from there,because learning from the past I now want to know what she really thinks of me.
I don't want to start off like before
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