I should never have let you get to me; should never have let you cut me so deep....
I don't think there's ever been an abyss deeper than the one in my heart: its like you tore a hole right through my chest.
Since when are there levels to companionship? Since when does your own self proclaimed greatness make me less of a human being in comparison to you?
Why could I never satisfy you? And why does it hurt so much that I wasn't enough for you?
I was so sick of it: walking on eggshells to please you, afraid that something I said would upset you or that one day you'd get tired of me and leave. I finally found the courage to walk away but it hurt more to leave than it did to stay. Its been nearly 9 months now and I expected relief, I thought it'd be healed by now. But it would seem that I'm not....
My perception of myself has changed so much. I don't feel like a whole person anymore. I feel too weak, too thick, too weird to be considered acceptable for anyone else. I feel inadequate: not good enough for the world or someone else.
But I have someone new now. Who's eyes twinkle like a thousand celestial bodies when he looks at me. I don't know what he feels for me and technically speaking, he's is not yet mine but he already claims me as is own. He seems to want me for me for reasons I don't understand.
Although I don't have the slimmest figure he accepts my size 8, embracing my curves with his eyes and preferring to always keep his arms around my waist. Every part of my body that I have deemed flawed, he seems to appreciate: he tells me I am 'his size'; I'm adequate, I am enough for him.
There is strength in his hands, in his arms and that is enough strength to hold me up and together. I am comforted by his presence and comfortable with him.
Although it hurts, I have finally torn your hooks from my flesh; they kept your hold on me and kept me holding on to what could have been. But I needed to appreciate what we never were and what we never will be.
In a new beginning, I have finally realized that we have ended. I want nothing more to do with you. I won't fight to reclaim the parts of me that you took anymore.
I will go to a place where I feel adequate again and no matter how many times you try to reach out to me or try to dissuade me, I will go to him. Everything you were to me is irrelevant now and the memories that I held onto aren't enough anymore.
My inadequacy in your eyes is meaningless because I am adequate in his and that is simply enough for me.