As the sun that day found the courage again to break the chains of the tall buildings afar, I found myself sinking in the same melancholic pursuit that I often embarked upon, the pursuit of memories, the memories of my home – the vain, futile pursuit. No matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to remember where I came from, where I was meant to be, where I belonged. No matter how many times I tried to recall my past, all I could see was blackness. All that I had for a home for years was the sand, and yet, it never felt like one. How could it? The grains were new every day. Every day, I felt a new breeze pass by. Every day, a different wave hit the shore. Every day, I found new friends in pebbles, insects, or trash, and I lost friends every day. I saw new people coming, and laughing, and sleeping, and playing, and then leaving. Different shine from the sun lit me up every day, and every day, a different moonlight is what I witnessed. What stayed the same, every day, and every night, was that big, wide horizon. Anything that went beyond it would vanish. And as night would approach, it became so powerful that not even the sun could escape it. I once heard a kid saying that all that there is beyond it is darkness. And I felt that maybe that... was where I came from.
Often, the ocean overtook a little of the surface, a little of the sand, only for a moment, and then leave. But every now and then, she took someone with her, anyone who came in the way, empty cans, lost slippers, and just the previous night, she had taken a pearl I had befriended a few days ago. The stupid yelled for help, while I wished it was me. Who knew where she took her? The horizon? I always believed that that is what the sea did; it carried us to our home, where we needed to be. I had been longing for her to take me with her for a long time now, and yet, since forever, it seemed, I was still there. Just like that, for years, every once in a while, the loud noise of the monstrous waves would wake me up, looking like god ascending from the ocean. It would race towards me, towards the sand, and soon on it, and just when I would close my eyes to finally meet it, it would go away, to leave me to open my eyes and find it leaving listlessly taking everyone I had befriended and deserting me alone. Every evening, when the orange sun went down, and the white of the moon took over, I felt a connection with the end of the ocean, and I heard the horizon calling me, whispering "This is where you're meant to be. Come."
"I wish," was all that I could whisper.
"Look," a woman had once spent hours here with her daughter under your charm. "He sees right through everything," she had said, "everything and everyone." She told her how you could feel our deepest pains and could help us heal the most infinite of our wounds. "It's he who look over if we get what we deserve," the woman made it clear. And not one night ever passed by since then without me looking at you and asking, "Haven't you noticed by now that I haven't smiled in years now?" I would shout, yell, and beg, while you would knowingly act ignorant, do nothing, and make sure my tears go in vain. The yelling and crying would often end with a silent sob, "Do I not deserve even that?"
It was one summer evening when placidly, like a lost feather, a piece of paper came floating down from the clouds to rest beside me. I didn't have to lean a bit to read what she read.
"
Home is what we have, and home is what we need
Home is the treasure, one should never throw to greed
Bow to your home; don't scoff, for it's a felon
Home is your world, your universe
And your home is the only heaven.
"
I kept staring at her with teary eyes for hours, never even realised when the moon came to its prime until a strong force of wind took her away. I saw her gracefully fly to the nearest tree and lie down there at his feet. All my friends were gone. And I didn't want to make new ones, for I knew they would leave too. And I would be left alone. I was alone. "I know you can you hear me," I murmured, broken, finding again the courage to beg, "Is it really such an impossible wish to find my home? Can you not do anything? I've heard you can talk to the sea. You make her rise, and you make her fall. And you make her do things that no one else can. Why cannot you ask her to take me home? Why cannot you help me? And what is—"
The land started to tremor and I shivered as the coolest breeze enveloped me. A gigantic wave was rushing towards the shore, tearing open the wind that blew mercilessly to counter it. Even clouds made way for the most monstrous wave I had ever seen. Her crest was rising higher, and higher, and higher, and the moon was shining brighter, and brighter, and brighter, as it galloped towards me, coming closer by every second, and closer, and closer. The grains of the sand around me glowed like glitter, and the ocean shimmered as well. It felt like a marvel. It was a marvel. The sky rumbled as the wave was almost there. Each of my breath was heavier than the last, and finally, I took the deepest sigh before closing my eyes. I could see nothing, but I could feel the little droplets. I could feel the cool bliss they liberated. I could feel the wave's wintry shadow enclose me. And then – splash. I peeked a little from closed eyes to see that everything had become dim and bleary. Everything was wet. I was inside the wave. I could feel the water swirling around me. My heart was pounding faster than it ever did. "Soon," I said to myself, "I will be hom–" And everything shattered. I felt the ground catch me. I felt myself touching the grains again. And as I opened my eyes, I could see clearly again the same shore, and the wave, listlessly withdrawing, until it was gone.
The sky was calm again. The wind came to a halt. The sand was just dark mud. "What?" I cried, "I'm still h— what happened? Was I just given a false hope?" I looked at the moon, and he just floated in the sky like an obnoxious stone. I was filled with rage. I wished I could spit on him. I wished I could anything to tell him how much I hated him. But all I could do was stare at him with bitter eyes, and that was all I did until something came rolling from behind towards me and hit me softly.
I looked around to see an almost empty open alcohol bottle. She had made a trail of alcohol while rolling down here. Behind it, was a man coming towards her. He couldn't walk straight. His tears glistened amidst the cold and harsh moonlight. He picked the bottle up, shook it, and looked at the ground to realise how much alcohol had fallen out. He stood right beside me, and he looked at you for some seconds. Then, upon looking back at the rush of the city for some seconds, the noise and the rude lights, he drank what was left in the bottle in one sip, and sat down. "Alone?" I mumbled, "I know what it is like to be alone when you need someone the most." He sat in complete silence, just scratching his nose, looking the current of the sea, picking up sand in his fist and then letting go. "The night just never is so cheerful for everyone." I thought. I wanted to console him, but how could I? I wanted to take his hand and tell him that he was not alone. "Are you okay?" I said, knowing I cannot be heard. "He hasn't been kind to you too, I guess," I had almost said, when he looked at me.
"What?" I said to myself. He picked me up, and stared at me for some seconds. "Can you hear me?" I asked, but he kept looking. It was in eyes, the first time I looked at myself, all the scars on me, all the holes, the texture. It was so clear. And then, his wrapped me in his palm, leaned a little to his right, and threw me to the sea. I was sailing the wind, and while I was in there, I felt like I was finally living after ages. Tearing the cool night air apart, I raced towards the horizon. Everything was in a blur, rotating; round, and round, and round. The lights of the city was just straight lines. With a strong thrust I reached the water. One tap! I rose again. The world was still dancing; round and round, and round. You were everywhere. I could almost see the air. With a vigorous descent, I splashed the surface again. Second tap! And there, I went again. Third tap! It took a few more before I finally rested on the serene ocean skin. I was finally on my way to the horizon. I was finally on my way to my home. I turned around to see the shore for a final time, and smaller, and smaller it got every second, until finally it was nothing. "About time," I sighed, and "things will soon be fine, my friend" I thought of the man who emancipated me.
I looked back up, at you, while you were smiling, only to realise a moment later that so was I, before the ocean swallowed me. You kept getting blurrier and dimmer as I sank deeper into the sea until I reached a bed. I looked around to find hundreds like me, with just the same scars, holes and texture, all smiling back at me.
