Pink Cocoa

3.

The colourful board at the gate of American International Academy of Lesotho, the honking of cars which were there to drop of students and the loud chatter of the said students welcomed me yet again to the dreadful place which most people believed I had nothing against.

A new week was beginning and my mood was way too sour, quite a negative note to kick off a new time period on but how else was I supposed to be? Being unhappy was my norm and I now had a more visible reason to be that miserable, only visible to me anyway. Where were you? For how long was I supposed to waste my time trying to find you while you were probably not even bothered about my existence as it had been before you approached me that night?

Maybe if you were a proper student who abided by the rules and did not have her own school attendance calendar to follow then my mood would have been lighter enough to go hiking with Thabelo and the other girls in our class during the weekend or to sound enthusiastic when listening to her tell me about it the previous day; but no, I was just a plain boring killjoy and my best friend was not very pleased with me. You probably could not give the slightest care about all that but I blamed you for all those minor fallouts. I desperately needed something to blame on you; it was the only way to run away from the truth of me being a fool and the actual one to blame in this situation.

I was really worried about what kept you off the face of the earth for so many days. Something was gnawing at me and weirdly enough it was not my usual curiosity – though that was also a present factor – it was concern.

I spent the past Friday at school still on a discrete search for you but fate always has a way of not granting me my wishes. We had no GPR lesson but your friend was still the school’s lone girl of the moment so that brought me to a conclusion that you were yet again absent.

I then went on to spend my whole weekend at Brown Beans, all because of you. I was there from early in the morning to late at night when the shop had to be closed, making some petty reasons about how I need a calm space to get my load of schoolwork done which was only partly-true. I was there for you. It seemed to me that you did not want to be found but I went on to search anyway.

I was a greater mess on Sunday. The wait on you was not really a healthy one. All the caffeine I had been depended on made me anxious and very irritable and it was one of the hot days so the sweet stuff was giving me starry visions. I had not been eating properly, only ever having fed on waffles and coffee. Dehydration was also a concern, my dry chapped lips and ashen skin was enough proof that I did not remember the last time I had a drink of water. My sleeping patterns had taken a turn for the worst as well. My thoughts were all over the place and I had dealt with three attacks within two days, making it four for that week.

I went to the coffee shop looking barely normal which led to Mrs Maria ordering for me to be served chamomile tea and shortbreads instead of my usual delish. The tea refreshed my senses a bit and I took on to pouring myself out in my special notebook as I waited for you once again.

It’s a scary notion how fast life changes

I met her today and just then

I knew that she would be everywhere I was

Tomorrow

Even without her physical presence…

I did not even realise that I was writing about you and our little encounter until I had filled pages and pages. Maybe I was quickly letting you affect me more than I should have; such would never have ended well. I was young and if you did not know it, kids liked playing with quartz because what more than some little sparks to excite them. They usually never think of how sparks ignite a fire that they may struggle to put out until it catches their precious skin.