i'm happier than ever,
happy and healthy, and
doing better than i ever
was (evident in chapter two)
y'all mean so much to me
and i'm really thankful for you
@shea-lyn 2021
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hey. i'm not doing this to make a big deal of my departure. i'm doing this because i feel like i owe it to my friends.
so i'm going to be okay. i've been doing a lot of reflection lately. and me being on this site i realised is not healthy. and here's why:
-it feeds my addiction to escapism -i lose myself if i stay on for too long -i focus on this more than reality -it ruins my irl relationships -and i'm finding it too easy to hide behind a screen -i've recently been diagnosed with depersonalization and derealization disorder. i can't bring myself to explain it. please search it up if you're interested.
that being said to go on a break was a very difficult choice. i have many amazing friends on here that in a perfect world, would love to keep in touch with. but with timezones makes it difficult.
wattpad is for some people, but i know deep down that right now this isn't the road i should be going down. it's not good for me
i'm also growing closer to God in my christianity. and i feel a calling in my bones to leave here in order to persue him more deeply than in my past. i don't expect you guys to understand. you can be mad at me. but don't blame yourselves (or God) for this. if i didn't want to leave i wouldn't be leaving.
to end off, some pieces of advice i want you to know:
take care of eachother. don't take anything for granted. if something doesn't feel right, don't do it. don't try to please the world. someday you'll have to face death. being kind to someone in the morning is very important. asking for help is one of the bravest things you can do. if you're tired of always doing the right thing, don't give up, it will help you in the long run.
don't get wrapped up in all the petty things. there's more to living than you think. life is beautiful even if you can't see it atm. bullying is one of the worst things you can do. never yell at someone you love. never say i hate you. never lie with malicious intent. do not steal. refrain from gossip. adults can help infinetely better than teenagers. there is always hope. you need boundaries for yourself. learn what you'll say no and yes to. be true to yourself. don't stay somewhere if it's hurting you. forgive yourself.
and know I'll not forget any of you.
i feel terrible for not being able to say more, but just know that everyone here means so much to me and have had a great impact on my life. i don't have many words right now other than i love you. and it's no-one's fault that i'm leaving.
someday in the far future i might come back. but for now i need to focus on my therapy, family, friends, and getting better. and i know this was a really crappy exit, but now all you can know is that so much is going on in my life right now and being here isn't helping me grow.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, LOVE OTHERS, TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDESS.
