Aɱσɾαƚαԃσ ♪ Quackibur Oneshots

I took a drag and lost the high, im sorry Alex

Guys, it's an aesthetic title look at me go for not updating in Ages
Anyways sorry for not updating I've had other rarepairs ravaging my singular brain cell that nobody else likes but me and it's agonizing man
Anyways
Hurt/comfort maybe? Idk ill figure it out as I'm writing
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"Wil... Why are you still awake?"

The fluorescent blue light had dazzled the decor on the older man's desk, as Alex stood at the doorway of Wilbur's office. It was only a few months ago he moved in with his boyfriend, but he couldn't help but feel that Wilbur was only overworking himself for his sake.

Looking around the office had given a tiresome story of a perfectionist in the making. Or perhaps, was already there. Note sheets scattered around with coffee cup stains lacing the very edges of- most pages. Guitar at his side that's been untouched for a good 4 months as of them, the window letting the glistening midnight light lazily dazzle itself through its opened blinds. A soothing sight, but not much for Wilbur.

"Alex..."

A soft, sleep-deprived voice had escaped Wilbur's dry lips. The look he held hadn't given Alex any comfort of what could've been said right then. He could never much decipher what was going on in Wilbur's mind, even if Wil often said he was his own personal mind-reader. A flicker of guilt he could read... And Alex only flickered back. All he could do was overthink the smallest of things Wil would show...

Alex was good at that. Reciprocating between him. A blessing, in a curse.

Never spoke a word due to already being assured plenty of times that he was wrong. That he was thinking too much. That it was okay, and it'll go fine. But something had always nagged at him, as he nervously held the ends of his own sleeves. Was he right? Would Wilbur eventually fade from him, more caught in his own work than with him? Did he realize something about him or himself? Did he want to leave?

Alex of course would never stop him, if he chose to move on.

"I hate it when you can see right through me sometimes..." 

A short laugh against the unintentionally cramped writing office he'd made for himself, and the shorter simply pulling up a chair, moving around some of the papers to read through the mess that he always worked through, somehow. "You know you can tell me anything, Wilb... I know it's hard, but you even said it. We're here together. Not one against one, y'know?" Alex had finally muttered against Wils shoulder, which had gained a head resting right on top of his.

"Yeah, I know..."
"Then.. what's making you.... distant? You're not fully here, a lot.." 
Kin to the feeling of a sting of alcohol down someone's throat, regret had clearly tried to shield itself in Wilburs expression, once Alex spoke. "I'm not..? Uhm- 'm sorry, swear it's not intentional, swear it Q..." he wasn't telling the full story, clearly.
"No- no it's alright- just maybe... tell me what's bothering you. It isn't work, 'cause you were so excited to work on that new song you were writing!!"

"No- it's not that- it's-..." he had an idea of what it was, but how to word it, that was the problem. He was able to think it in a disjointed sort of way, near to the feeling of Alex's tight hugs that he could never grow tired of, the odds and ends they get themselves into, but the worry of how... if he had lost everything right then, even then, he couldn't say truthfully that he would've missed it.

But it wasn't fully explained, even to himself. He didn't sound too convincing while thinking in the early mornings and waking right by Q's side, to see the odd little habit of Q burying his head in Wils shirt. Trying to shove him off hadn't ended well, or even the various times it led to one or the other falling right out of bed. 

Rushing out the door was never even a concept between them. They seemed to always take their sweet, little moments that took a little too long. Too quick, but much too slow at the same time. Inconsistent as all hell, but Wilbur wouldn't ask for it to be any other way. Taking Alex to restaurants he had no idea even existed, or a simple sushi shop, where both had unfortunately gotten sick that night from the sushi, crashing on the couch together, leaving a movie on in the background that neither much watched. 

It was mystifying, what this was to Wilbur.
It was so new to him to have someone so good. 

"Tell me what it is, really. And, Wil, I swear- I don't care what you say, if it sounds weird you fear I'll be worried about it, just tell me. And... I'll get. I promise." Q spoke up, looking away from the pages and right at him. The stare he'd gained from Q wasn't as comforting as he was intended, but words had abruptly flown from his lips, unable to catch himself before the words would strike. 

"I don't know if I love you as much as I did, anymore..."

... ouch. 

It definitely wasn't what Alex was expecting to hear first-hand. It wasn't an 'im done with you', but it sure as hell felt like it. Oh, he's heard so many times that relationships lose their spark after some time, but you just learn to love without that spark to carry that flame. But he thought that spark was already out, and it was the full thing.

He hated the feeling of being wrong. Especially about Wilbur. 

"...What do you feel then?" "I- didn't mean to say that- I...." The struggle of his words, because he knew what he said was true. "Don't know... I dunno... I love you, I really do. It feels right to say you're here with me... but I don't feel scared to leave it all behind either, for a brand new start... I wouldn't, but I'm not scared..." His words faltered, hesitant against the uncomfortable vibe of the room. 

Alex didn't know what to say.

Looking at Wilbur, and having the face of regret stare right back at him... Wilbur was absolutely honest with him. He always was, and he assumed he always would be. "Well... do you need space, or something..? I know you said you didn't know, but sometimes having space does the trick.." In attempts to help who he loved, came the suggestion, but only met with unsure silence. 

Wilbur of course didn't know what he needed. He didn't know anything that might've helped. Space didn't feel right, the unusual feeling of regret knawing away at his insides as he had unsteadily patted his fingers away on his desk. He hated it. He never felt it before, but he resented it.

"I don't think space is the right thing... I think- maybe, I'm not sure. Maybe to... slow down, a bit? even though i know we're not going too fast- I dunno... It's still odd having you around, y'know?" Wilbur fumbled around with his words, hesitant to think of what solution might've worked, but the dreadful feeling of nothing working was nothing to just brush off. 

But of course, Alex listened.

A gentle nod for an answer, and a hand now resting on top of Wilburs anxious tapping hand- the noise had stopped... for a sigh of relief. "Yeah, of course... It's fine if you wanna try n' slow things down. We can just go back to being awkward, like you were in the beginning.." "Oh- shut up, i wasn't that awkward..." "But you were!! An it was cute, Wil." 

The banter that went off between the two, felt alike to a loving embrace all on its own. Sure, it might've been because both were tired, but at the end, both were still together. 

And wilbur wouldn't ask for it to be any other way.