Our Shared Silence (DM/HG)

Dream

This is the first time she has no plan.
The first time ever she feels completely and utterly lost.

She has no idea what to do?
How to proceed?

Like she's paralyzed,
or only half alive,
a ghost.

And in a way it's true;
She is a ghost,
walking among people who walk through her.

They don't see her,
hear her,
feel her...
She's not really here, nor there.

So she does the only thing that feels right: follows him around.

He's lost too.
But he hides it better than she does.

He has to.
Because of other people.

"Pretending is all I do in the real world."

That's what he told her,
and that's what she sees now.

He's good at it.

Of course he is!
He has done it for years.

But whenever he's alone,
he's lost.

She sleeps in their bed.
Next to him.
But he can't feel her,
and she can't feel him.

At least she can be close to him.

Mostly she doesn't talk to him.
Stays in her private silence and tries to read conversations form peoples' lips.

Only when they're alone,
and when it gets unbearable,
that's when she talks.

Like when he first goes to Dumbledore's door.

"GO!" She screams to his face when he starts to hesitate, "GO IN! I'm with you!"

Dumbledore might be the only one able to help them!
He might know what to do!

But Draco just paces back and forth behind his door.

She screams until her voice is harsh.
Then she cries and begs.
But he doesn't go.

Not then.
Or any time after.

"I'm here, I'm with you! Please, Draco!"

But he doesn't hear her.
Doesn't know she's there,
and can't do it alone.

.

.

.

Watching him breaks her heart.

Watching him talk to her,
or the girl who looks like her,
shatters her whole being.

When he runs into her in the corridor the first day she wants to punch herself.

"LOOK! You stupid bitch!" She screams to her stupid, ignorant face, "He needs help! LOOK BEYOND YOUR IDIOTIC PREJUDICE! Hypocrite!"

But the look in the eyes of the girl,
she barely recognizes,
is cold.

She'll never see.
No matter how she screams on this side that girl will never see.

She'll never have this time with him.
She'll never understand.

Of course he could make her see again,
but she doubts he can act the same around that version of her as he did here.

Their time has passed.

They had a year.
How she wishes she'd known how low their time was running.
She wishes she would have told him how she felt.

Now it's too late.

She whispers it to him in the night.
Looking at him, lying on the bed with his eyes closed but not sleeping.

She reaches for him, "I love you, you know."