Sunshine | H. S.

9

Harry insists on walking me to class. Even though I let him know that I don't need him to take care of me or make sure I get to campus safely. His answer to that is a smile that shows his dimple and saying that he wants to make the most of the time we spend together since he doesn't know when I'm going to run off and disappear again.

Guess I'll have to hear about my escape/walk of shame after our first time for a while.

Usually I get really defensive when people point out things I've done and joke about them. It instantly feels like they're mocking me, making fun of my choices and actions. But when Harry jokes about my panicked escape or how I can't live without a cup of tea in my hand it doesn't feel mean or ill intentioned. It's playful and harmless, and it feels nice.

The walk to campus is filled with smalltalk about our plans for the day and my classes. I have a busy day today and after that I'm going to spend the evening with Nat, probably eating chips and talking about boys, specifically Harry and Lucas. But I don't tell Harry about that part. I don't want him to know that I talk about him, that he doesn't leave my brain, that I can't stop thinking about him even when I desperately want to.

Harry tells me to apologize to Natalia in case we 'were too loud last night' and grins at me, making me blush instantly and ramble on about how she probably didn't hear us because she listens to loud music and how if she did it's only fair because I have had my share of unwanted noises from her and Lucas. Harry just laughs and pulls me closer to him, placing his hand on my waist.

I pull away before I can think about it. Instinct and habit I guess. Harry frowns at my actions and stops walking for a second, looking at me and grabbing my hand softly. "Are you ok?" he asks, clearly concerned. I immediately feel ashamed about not letting him touch me, especially after last night and this morning when I had absolutely no problem with it.

"I'm fine, sorry. I'm just not comfortable with public displays of affection and stuff" I mumble, kind of guilty of my reaction. "Can I ask why?" Harry looks at me with worried eyes, slowly letting go of my hand after my answer. "Just because of past experiences I guess. I don't really feel comfortable talking about it right now" I almost whisper, feeling the tears slowly gathering in my eyes but doing my best to not let Harry notice the fact that I'm almost crying. But he clearly realizes my reaction. 

Fuck.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. I.. I didn't mean to upset you Soph. Fuck..I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, obviously. But If you.. you know if you do want to talk about it I'm here. I want to listen" he stutters and I can't help but smile even though I feel guilty and ridiculous and a bit uncomfortable.

"Thank you Harry" I smile softly and his facial features soften a bit. He still looks worried though. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's just that I'm not ready to. It has nothing to do with you, just personal shit" I continue, and his captivating emerald eyes are fixed on me, like he wants to understand and comfort me, not just listen.

"I understand. Maybe someday we'll have one of those deep, long talks telling each other our deepest fears and pains" he chuckles softly and I nod, trying to discreetly wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"Can I hug you? No pressure, just a hug from a friend who wants you to be okay" he asks shyly and a slight smile appears on my lips, making him smile as well. Instead of answering I lean my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling his warm body press against mine.

It feels comforting and innocent. Just a person trying to make another person feel better. Harry quickly deepens the embrace by wrapping his arms around my waist and placing one hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair softly. He makes me feel vulnerable but protected. Soft and strong at the same time. We just stand there for a few seconds, like nothing else going on in the world matters right now. And then a flash of panic shoots through my brain. My class.