Behind every smile - HS

1 - Jacqueline

She knows the names of nightmares,
Though we all do at different times,
We know the way the wind grows still
Before they slip into our minds.
We know their icy grip,
The race of heartbeats in their palm,
The jolt awake into a world
That is disturbingly too calm.
We know the routine of the regulars;
The monsters under beds,
The voices calling in the night
And those inside our heads.
But hers, they're something other,
They are a longing and a lack,
Creatures darker than the shapes
That have been molded from the black.
They bring the kind of fear
That comes from waiting for the scare,
Hers are the hyper-absent,
The things so glaringly not there.
You see there's nightmares so much worse
Than those you pinch yourself to shake,
There's ones that whisper in your ear
"But you are already awake."
~e.h _______

Jacqueline's pov:

Scars.

I hate scars.

More specifically I hate my scars. I've been sitting on my bed looking at them with disgust in my eyes since I woke up screaming for the third time this week.

It's been happening a lot more lately.

You'd think that I would be used to it by now, but the truth was I still wasn't, no matter how much time has passed.

Those cold brown eyes will haunt me until the day I die.

I was never able to fall back asleep after a nightmare. I still can't. Call me a coward if you want.

I was always alone when they happened and I preferred it that way. I never want another human being around me when I scream like someone is torturing me because I can't wake up from the haunting dream that seems to be on repeat since I was 11.

Even when I'm not sleeping I always preferred being alone. Not that I wouldn't take a bullet for Anastasia but sometimes being alone can be the best thing you could ever wish for.

I wasn't a very social person. Ana was my only friend and the only person besides my sister I cared for. They were all I needed in my life.

They were the only ones who stuck with me through everything. And I will always be thankful for that.

But lately, Ana has been too busy to hang out with me since she found a new target of the week. She would fuck a person for a week straight and then choose another one for the next week. Always the same thing.

Who could blame her though?

This week the target is some Zen guy. She's been talking about him every day for the past two weeks. Yeah, you heard me correctly.

Two fucking weeks.

Maybe he has some magic dick or some shit she can't forget about because that's the longest she stuck with the same person.

Maybe I should bake her a cake for finally having sex with the same person for more than 7 days.

Well except for me of course. But that was different.