Flashback
"So you never told me why you was a mute or wasn't talking which every you classify it as" D asked me as we sat on the couch
blowing out a sigh I turned to look at him
"I not sure if my brothers every told you why are parents aren't around.."
"Nahh they haven't and Ive been meaning to ask them niggas wasp with that.'' He said chuckling just a bit as he full attention was placed towards me
"Okay" Placing a hand over my heart I began to speak, just thinking of this situation made me get major anxiety but I felt he had a right to know.
"When I was much younger, practically a baby, my parents were killed. There was something going on with my dad and some men downstairs and he was trying to deal with into but he couldn't.. and um" I felt tear being formed in my eyes
"Whew um me and my mom and sister went to hid in the bathroom, and they were trying to stay.. um.. as silent as possible but.. I couldn't for some reason. I just keep fucking bumping into shit and making noise and then one of the men heard the noise and came up. My mom hid us to her best abilities, I saw the man walk in and um.. shoot." I stopped as the images flashed through me head as I spaced out
Pulling me back d squeezed my hand as I continued "that man shoot my mom" I was full on crying at this point but I needed to finish
"You can stop ma, I understand" he said sensitively to me
"No its fine lemme finish" Taking another deep breath I finished
"My sister, ohh god my sist-.. she went to check on mom and told me 'all I had to do was shhh. I wanted to get out me spot but I got stuck in my spot just as the man came back and uh hit her with the gun the he shot her. Thats when my.. my dad he uhh. Uh he came in the men asked him if someone else was in the house. And my dad protected me even though I didn't deserve it. He told them no one else was in the house, that when they shot him. twice."
"I wanted so bad for them to stay alive that I made in my head that if I was quiet, they would someone be okay" that's when I pulled out the ring he gave me
"He gave me this.. and I promised them that id be quiet. When the police finally came that's when I got up and went with my brother. They were gone away on business. They asked me questions which I tried me hardest to answer but when they asked me what happened all I could muster out was 'If only I was quiet' and telling them how sorry I was. I blamed my self for years for the events that happened. even though I know its not my fault I made my self just be quiet for years. Until recently I had a "talk" with my brother trey. He said that they wouldn't want me to punish my self for something that they knew could happen. And I guess he was right on some grounds, this life is full of risk. And losing people is sadly on of them."
Flash back over
________
so I saw a comment on shhh pt 1 about how Mel is a "selective mute" I mean if that how you choose to classify it then what ever we are all intitled to our own opinions on topics, but thats not how I wanted her to come across as. People respond to trauma in many different was. And where this comment was posted was in a part where she wasn't even talking which confused me.
The passage that this was commented on was the following
"I stopped in my tracks, my whole life everyone thought I was mute but I wasn't at least I didn't think I was, no I wasn't mute. I just choose to not talk. hearing him stop as well I put my hood on my headband let out a long breath before turning around."
I ment for this part to show how she was in denial about the whole ordeal. Because many therapists would classify a child who doesn't t speak as a mute the definition of mute is "refraining from speech or temporarily speechless."
The trauma of her losing her family in front of her causes her to refuse to speak. She's in denial about it but she truly believes that if she was quiet they would still be alive. but that was not the case.
As an author I try my hardest to avoid comments like this and I try my hardest to avoid confusion in my books, but I felt the need to clear this up. To the person that comment if you are still reading (thanks btw <3) Mel is not a selective mute. She's a person who has undergone intense trauma and is trying to down play her mental problems but as we see, throughout the book as Mel grows as a character and I as a writer she over comes this tricky diagnosis. She starts the become better at verbal communication after the conversation that I hinted towards in this chap.
I also felt I needed to add that in so y'all don't think that her talking was just like a damn boom or some. In the future she will fall back into the COPING MECHANISM but as before she will over come it. Such as other have triggers for them that they can't always explain, so does Mel.
An although she is a fictional character I wanted to make a book that show case some form of mental illness and how it can be seen In different people.
With all my characters I try to do this in one way on another. And they don't all come of as I would like them to but I do try. I just wish you all understand, or do now.
Anyways more updates otw
and thanks for all the love you all help more than you know <3
-excuse the many errors
I love you and drink some water today my loves
