At my school I'm known as the popular kid. I've got good grades, a good attitude, and a handsome face, but that's all everyone sees. No one really knows me, not even my "friends". I say "friends" because they don't really know me. Girls are always flirting around me. It gets really tiresome, after all I'm gay, but nobody knows that.
I act and behave according to how I'm suppose to and how other's would like me to. I'm nice and friendly, but that's about the only thing that's really me. People see me as a nice guy, and I agree that I am that, but no one sees who I really am. Some people think I'm stuck up and cheat my way through things.
Why can't I be myself? I don't really know that myself. Am I too scared? Probably. Am I scared that I'll go back to being the gay loser like at my old school? That might be it. But am I complaining? Yes.. But am I willing to change? Not really. Do I want to change? If it'll make others uncomfortable or upset, then no.
I try not to think too much of this, but I can't help it at times. Everyone thinks I have a perfect life. But what can I do about that? I don't care if I'm hurting, but as long as everyone around me is happy, I'm fine. This is just my life.
I take a few deep breaths before wiping my tears. I check the time and see class is starting soon. I open the stall door and see someone else washing their hands, but don't pay attention to him. I look at myself in the mirror and see my eyes are a little puffy. I splash some water on my face and let out a sigh. Looking back at the mirror, I leaned against the sink as water dripped from my face.
"A-are you okay?" I turned to face the boy that I ignored earlier, who now just stood there watching me while holding some paper towel. He hesitantly took a step forward and handed the paper to me.
"Thanks... and yeah I'm fine..." I reply looking away, beginning to wipe my face.
The boy stood there for a minute before speaking, "Are you sure..? It sounded like you were crying..." I faced the boy again and saw him fumbling with his sweater's sleeves while nervously shuffling around on his feet.
"You heard me?" I ask him, slightly wide-eyed.
"W-well I heard some sniffling, a-and you're eyes are a little puffy." He nervously rambled while taking a step back.
"What?" I ran my fingers through my hair and shut my eyes.
No no no, he can't have heard me. He shouldn't have heard me. He'll just tell everyone. I'll be mocked and made fun of for being so weak.
My eyes began to sting a little as I opened them. Letting out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, I eyed him. He seemed like the soft, innocent type, but looks can be deceiving. I looked at the boy's features, soft brown eyes, light freckles speckled on his cheeks, and his tousled blond hair.
I swallowed before speaking, "C-can you not tell anyone..?" He tilted his head in confusion. "...that I was crying..." I looked down feeling shameful. "Please..." I pleaded, my voice just above a whisper. Why was I so weak?
The blond boy took a few steps towards me, trying to look at my eyes which refused to meet his. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's not my business to say anything to anyone." My eyes finally found his and saw that they held genuine concern and worry. "My name is Felix by the way." I nod opening my mouth to speak but am interrupted by the bell. "I should head to class now, bye."
Before I could say anything, he walked out of the bathroom. I stood there staring at myself in the mirror for a few seconds before leaving to go to class.
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Fanfiction~A Chanlix (Bang Chan X Lee Felix) fanfic~ Chan isn't able to be himself. He masks his true self and envies those who have real friends. He tells himself that this is just how his life is meant to be and that he's fine, even when he's not. Everythin...
