August [j.p]

036- The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you

Plus, I saw you dance with him
You heard the rumors from Inez
You can't believe a word she says
Most times, but this time, it was true
-
betty

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The Sérendipité hotel overlooked the Mediterranean sea.

Some mornings the sunrise was soft and brilliant, the orange and yellow hues reflecting on the calm water.

The ocean shore was the lullaby that cane to soothe August on the third morning since her disaster wedding. The waves breaking softly on the sand and the crabs scuttling to be swept up with the tide.

Her eyes were red and irritated from nights spent crying softly into her pillow and although she knew her friends meant well she was tired of them walking on eggshells around her.

She missed James, with every fibre of her being.

Despite everything, she still believed he was a good man.

He hurt her and he broke her heart, but he was genuinely good. There were so many times where she would be crying or upset and she knew that she could always go to him because he would know exactly what to say.

He knew how to make her feel better and he was so caring. She had never before met someone who could say the simplest thing and make everyone in the room smile within an instant, until she met him of course.

She was pretty sure that after everything he put her through she should've hated him but strangely enough she didn't.

Would she go back to him, without a shadow of a doubt no.

They had too much history and too much pain. She deserved better, she finally realized that.

And above all, she knew that before she could commit too someone, she had to find her own closure. And she was going to do just that.

There was a time for crying and a time for tears, there was a time to roll up in the bedsheets and never want to emerge but there was also a time for progress and growing.

She gave the ocean one last look, saw the last crab swept up by the tide and tossed the ruby ring into the sea.

It would be a while before she would be okay again but finally after years of running and hiding she was facing it head on.

When she reached her hotel room and spotted Sirius, Lori and Sadie sitting in the small lounge she rasped out for the first time in days, "I'd like to go back."

Lori looked like she was about to object but thought better of it.

"Je vous souhaite d'être follement aimée."

"My wish is for you to be loved to the point if madness." Sirius translated to himself.

"You speak French?" Sadie asked surprised.

"I grew up in the noble house of Black, of course I speak French." He snorted before coming over to cup August's cheek, "Whatever Maximillian did to you, remember that I'm right here, to fight tooth and nail beside you."

"I'm lucky to have you, all of you." She said, meeting the eyes of Lori and Sadie who offered her smiles.

What had she done to deserve friends like them?
Clearly something good.

"You ready?" Sirius asked gripping her hand.

"I don't think I ever will be ready, but I'm willing to try."

With that the hotel room and the ocean view transformed into the messy bedroom of James Potter.

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"I want you to explain, from the beginning to the end and everything in between."

James swallowed thickly and averted his eyes from her bare finger, did he really expect the engagement ring to still sit there?

He hated himself. He missed her so much it hurt but most importantly he was so confused he couldn't get out if bed.

That was until his best friend and August appeared in the middle of his bedroom.

James licked his cracked lips and wet his dry mouth, "When I was 11, I fell in love with Lily."

"I would pester her and annoy the living daylights out of her just to get her to go on one date with me. And she never did."

He looked up gingerly to see her expression but it was unreadable. Where once she was so open and comfortable with him that there was unspoken messages between them the only thing remaining was a wall.

"I came home in seventh year and she had just rejected me big time, she danced with someone else and I was so sure she was dating him. The worst thing was is that I had tried so hard to be what she wanted, and she still didn't want me. I was devastated, and then you moved in."

"You and your golden hair and doe eyes and I was taken by you. You were nice and you made me feel wanted, something Lily never did."

James hesitated before he continued.

"You were like a drug, when I was with you I was in euphoria but afterwards, when it wore off all I could think of was how wrong it was. I'd think of Lily again and I'd promise myself that it was the last time, that it wouldn't ever happen again but then you'd smile, or the light would catch you in the right way or you'd laugh at a dumb joke and I'd fall back into it."

He paused and looked at her, "Please say something." He whispered horsely.

"The story's not done yet, James." She replied coldly.

"We got together, Lily made her feelings clear after a, uh, incident." He coughed.

"And I saw you again, we spent time together as friends and I just remember realizing that I loved you gradually. I'd look forward to seeing you or I'd make excuses to be near you and I thought I was going mad. I had Remus explain it to me and it just clicked. So I went over too Lily's and told her whatever I felt for her was gone."

"That was a lie, wasn't it?"

"At the time I thought it was the truth" he replied honestly.

"Our relationship was like a honeymoon and I don't remember ever being that happy, I promise you that I knew I wanted to marry you. That was never a lie. But there was a part of me that still belonged too Lily, a part of me that craved her and needed her. I couldn't choose."

"I need to go." She spoke up.

"What? You wanted to talk?" He asked bewildered.

"I need to leave before I do something that I'll regret, like strangling you!" She exclaimed, jumping off of the bed.

"Who gave you the fucking right and audacity to act like you're supposed to choose, that Lily and I are just broomsticks that you can browse in a catalog and choose from and if you don't like the one you chose you can return it and get the other one." Her nostrils flared and her chest heaved.

"In case you haven't noticed yet James Potter, we're people and as much as you're hurting, so are we."

With that she slammed his bedroom door behind her and left.