A Survivors Journal

Survivor

A sigh of relief is all I could manage as I looked around the box filled room that surrounded me. I was finally finished moving everything into the new house. I can't believe I have my own house. I never thought this day would come. I didn't even realize I owned this much stuff until it was time to pack it up and move across the country. Heading upstairs and stumbling over random things hanging all over the place I opened the door to my room and hung my head heavily at the sight of it. The room was huge don't get me wrong but god why did I have to have so much crap! Every corner filled with boxes that stacked all the way up to the high ceiling were all dated from the past 30 years of my life. I stopped staring longingly at the king sized bed that was practically calling me to jump in it and begrudgingly grabbed a box off the top of the stack to start unpacking a instead. Sweaters, jeans, shoes, and random accessories here and there, one by one the boxes were emptied and my closet and drawers began to fill up.

I opened the next box and after taking a few things out of it my fingers brushed a rough surface that felt oddly familiar. Pulling it out I see a small journal with my initials carved in cursive over it and stickers and cutouts featuring fashion from 2007 covering the surface of the journal. A wave of nostalgia and sadness hit me as I brushed over the initials that I remember I had spent days perfecting with color pencils. Wow this book had to be about 10 years old now I can't believe it i thought to myself. I genuinely didn't even know that this book still existed because I didn't write in it much after rehab but I remember vaguely trying to keep it as updated as I could during the tough times I was going through. This journal for me in my younger days was my escape, it was the one thing that I could tell everything too and not be judged. That journal holds some of my darkest secrets that I would probably die with before anyone found out. Staring at the cover tears shined in my eyes as I remembered the content of the journal, the tears falling were a combination of happy and sad tears as they flowed freely down my cheeks. Knowing I'd be alone for a few hours, I decided to get comfy, I sat on the floor in the corner of my closet and decided to tough it out and take a glance into my past.

FRESHMAN YEAR 2006

I have always wanted to live on my own. Growing up my mom didn't allow me to leave the house much so just imagine how wild I was when I finally left for college. Just kidding, I actually was shaking in my boots at the idea that I was finally leaving home. While it was a very invigorating feeling it was also a feeling that I feared. The hardest part of it all was the goodbyes after my family moved me into school. I was living on campus with a randomized roommate that the school assigned to me. We talked a couple times and she seems pretty nice but I was the first to move in so at this point I have yet to meet her. My room is actually decent sized and my roommate turned out to be really nice. She moved in shortly after me. I can't wait to see how my first night goes.

-Marley Sept 4th 2006

It's been a few months and oh lord is college tough. It's about midterm season and I am fed up. I haven't been having any fun and it's been a struggle to make friends. I miss my family so much sometimes I just want to run home. Campus life is pretty decent even though I miss home terribly. My school is medium sized and most of the school's population resides on campus. So we all know each other pretty well, which makes things fun sometimes it's kind of like living with family. But sadly not for me. The way that the small group of friends I do have has explained it, it's like being in your own little community but for me it was like everyone was friends and I was the outsider. I don't go out much but I definitely live through my roommate who was one of the three friends I had on this campus. She parties here a lot but somehow still manages to remain humble and sweet. Despite that my roommate is still pretty nice and tonight she offered me to come and drink with her and some of her friends. I've never had alcohol before and I've been denying her request for the past few weeks now but to hell with it im going out and i'm going to have fun dammit!