ego

Prologue

7 years earlier

Every Summer lead up to the last one. In Holloway City, the warmth always meant two things for me. One, the heat waves in mid-July would cause my hair to frizz. Two, high school was out thus, no Park Jimin until the next term. The saddest moment of my junior year, knowing I couldn't see him for a full season. Crushes used to make me act like a starved bee witnessing a flower bloom. Not my best moment, but nothing beats the last day of senior year.

This last Summer meant $100k in scholarships, college parties, and rookie mistakes in choosing my frosh-year classes in OutTown University. Oh, and no Park Jimin ever again. Thank god. What happened at Jordan's party would never leave my lips, he made sure of that.

My birthday, a rite of passage. The Big 18, puberty on a bend, and I chose to fly four hours away from my parents to fulfill grade requirements for an Undeclared major. "I'll choose what I want by next semester, don't worry." What I told my Dad anyway.

Truthfully, I sweat at the idea of figuring out what I wanted. How was an 18-year-old supposed to decide what to do with their life in the span of four years? Scratch that. My Mom asked me who I imagined myself to be while my thumb circled in my mouth. Not that I remember my experiences as a toddler much. This being one of those memories she told me every weekend, as if telling it for the first time, she laughed about me slobbering on her Louis Vuitton purse as a response.

Teacher! Astronaut! Doctor! Journalist! Options from both my Dad and Mom while I sat at the table trying to apply for something, anything! Dad was able to take a break from the firm and join for dinner this time. He would rub my back and then my hair, to tease me for being indecisive. It wasn't my fault. I got it from Mom. She couldn't settle on what to make that night for entrees so made three appetizers instead. Dumplings, veggie spring rolls, and pakoras. I assumed Mom struggled to pick one cuisine too. I didn't complain, I ate, then went out for dessert with my Dad.

Mom skipped, complaining about the 10 pounds she teeter-tottered with. I took the chance to lean on his shoulder and tell him my fear. I couldn't tell him with Mom around, she worried too much. My Dad was cooler. Don't tell my Mom that.

He would throw his head up high when he laughed. I smiled when his shoulders shook with the chuckles. The way he held my eyes when in trouble didn't alarm me but hurt me that I disappointed him. He was a kind man. "One in a million," he would joke. Claimed most men weren't like him. I assumed he found the ego to say such a thing by using the men from his cases as examples. An offence lawyer for the Crown, putting gangs, drug dealers, thieves and murderers into prison. He called it: "Cleaning the City." Which was why telling him his child couldn't pick a major was easy.

"Whatever you do, know that I've always got your back kiddo."

I wiped the last of the Thai-rolled ice cream from the bridge of my lips, slid down the hood of his Range Rover as I aimed to race back into the passenger seat. The cold chill of Summer nights always made me nervous every time we went stargazing. 

"Pinky promise?" My finger was out before he got in front of the wheel.

Playful eyes shrunk, his shoulders shaking in the way I found endearing. Wrinkles at the corner of Dad's eyes gave me an answer before his promise wrapped around mine. "Yes. You could never disappoint me."

Present Day

I did. 25-years-old now, and graduated with a Political Science major I don't want. Holloway City two hours away, my knees bounced in a haste which annoyed the flight attendant to move me up a class. Maybe he moved me because I wept. "What's wrong?" His eyes were gentle. They reminded me of him. I cried harder. He asked me again and I told him.

Colour drained from the man's face, he asked me when I received the call. "Just now, just before the plane took off," I said. The man whispered to his co-workers, and ushered his hands forward. A complimentary: 'sorry for your loss, please cry in First Class without judgment' move, I sought out the dark clouds surrounding my window and replayed the news from my Mom in my head.

My Dad was dead, suicide apparently.

He won't be able to see my rehearsed monologue on why I didn't want to pursue a career in Political Science. His shoulders no longer shook, the aged-lines by his eyes no longer made me smile. At least now I couldn't upset him anymore.

.     .     .

He would be beyond disappointed right now. Horrified, even. Especially after notice of my arrival in Holloway City, off the plane, and into the arms of a man with a dangerous plan:

Mom left injured with gang members in the midst of a War, while I laid naked in bed with Park Jimin. I'm glad Dad isn't here. Couldn't find the words to explain this story if he were.

Act 1, Chapter 1-4
Will be released: April 12th 2021.