My revelation :D

Le revelation

I wanna share something with y'all today.

I'd come to a revelation while I was showering this morning whilst also screaming.
Ever since my extremely botched relationship I had when I was 16 where my gf(at the time) cheated on me by fucking my (now ex-) best friend(IKR they did me dirty), I've always had rough relationships since and not just partners(I'm bi btw) but with family too.

Always thinking I was never good enough for anyone at all.
But then I always put up a facade to show everyone that I'm happy
...
Even tho I really am happy they are in my life
Everyone I've met in my entire life has lead me to this point in life which I am greatful for.
(This includes you guys reading this ;) )
But then there was one thing that had always been nibbling at my thoughts which caused me to sometimes react in ways that costed me good friends to leave me.

Only now, the thing I missed for the last 5 years is-
Drumroll please~

*Drumroll intensifies*

Self love

*Hi hat crash*

Stupid right?

I only realize now I have an extremely low self esteem and have been a complete pessimist towards myself and anything involving me.
And sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's not. :P (english 10/10)
And if y'all think I can change that fact, HAH... no.
There's no way I could ever love myself (so sad, Alexa play despacito) but finding out this was key to why I felt uneasy pretty much everyday for the past 5 years actually takes alot off my chest somewhat.

So to any of y'all reading this, thanks for taking the time to do so, love y'all mother fuckers FENIX OUT~