Murder Me Kindly| H.S

15- Platonic

Harry Styles

I'm confused. And the fact that I'm confused is confusing within itself because I'm confused with myself.

I'm a person who has always been sure of myself. Always in control of my emotions, reactions, the people around me; everything in my life.

At least I was before Carmen Amor was thrown into my life.

When I first saw her at the burlesque club I was enthralled by her beauty. I was incredibly hard from just eye contact.

The way she rotated her hips fluidly down the pole, and the sharp kicks of her toned legs... Mind-blowing to watch.

But then I saw her glare at me, which I didn't understand but I didn't care to. That night I knew I wanted to fuck her, plain and simple.

I usually don't pursue women, it's usually the other way around but I was so willing to get on my knees for her.

Actually, Uno reverses that last statement.

Either way, I was completely entranced by her. When I sent her a sarcastic wave and a cocky smirk, I knew that'd get her upset; get a reaction would equal an interaction.

Watching her strut her way over to where I was sitting with a look of determination painted on her face was mouth-watering.

And then when she threw her legs over my already semi-hard dick I was done for. I had to clench my jaw to try and keep it down but it didn't work.

The nickname smirky junior is proof of that.

Once she started rotating her hips across my erection I couldn't help myself from running my hands up her thigh.

She retaliated though, the way she leaned back to whisper in my ear still sends a shiver down my spine till this day. And then when she lightly licked the shell of my ear... I swear I almost came in my pants.

That night has been burned in my memory and has been on replay for almost a month.

So as I was saying, I'm confused about myself and it's all Carmen's fault.

If she wasn't so... Carmen, we wouldn't be having an issue.

She has me risking my job and feeling guilt and it's only the third week together.

I want to go back to that person; the one who was always in control. Not being in control of everything is something I've never experienced.

I have severe OCD. Not the OCD where I want my clothes color coordinated and my pencils straight. I have the bad kind.

I have the kind where if my control slips even a little bit I start to compulsively control anything I can.

I have the kind where if the weather doesn't fit how I need it to I almost have an anxiety attack purely from the fact that I can't change it.

That's the shit I've been living with my entire life.

I fucking hate how OCD is made out to be that I'm just a neat freak because that couldn't be farther from the truth.

It's called obsessive-compulsive disorder for a reason, I'm obsessed with control.

Fun right?

Today Carmen and are going to buy a tour bus.

No, we haven't spontaneously made a band, I'd never do that.

Since we are continuing on this job without the consent of our boss we have to start under the radar. Meaning we can't purchase tickets and boats because that'd raise some eyebrows. So we are getting a bus so we can go from state to state undetected, we will only fly if necessary.