Suburban Island IV

Don't Cry Out (Josie)

Don't Cry Out (Josie)

-Josie-

It isn't the same. I don't know why I still come here. What else can I do? My avatar looks so pretty. I put so much time into making her look good. So much money goes into her too. What? It's not she's going to miss the money. She's too busy talking on her dead phone to no one. Plus, my girl has to look hot. You can say what you want about me. I don't care at this point.

I wanted to do pink hair today, but I had to get more points to unlock the hairstyle. Lame. Plus, I l already spent money this week. (I can't have my mom asking questions, now can I?) I'll have to get it later. Ooo, I can make her look like a punk rocker. Yeah, I'm getting bored with the girly look. My date doesn't mind it though.

Oh yeah. There's him.

I don't know who he is. But he's so nice. I don't think this is going to be anything serious. Still, I can't help but wonder who I'm talking to. I probably should ask who they are. But something always holds me back at the last minute. I don't know what it is. Maybe I just want to keep this fantasy going a little bit longer. I don't know why. There's no point to it, really. I have boyfriend already. It's not like we can physically cheat on each other. Slim pickings here.

Hm? I leaned in closer to the screen to read.

"Well, what do you want?"

I sat back in my chair. I started to type at first but then I paused. You know, I could come up with a list to answer. I wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to get out of my house. I just want to get out. I sat back and sighed. I noticed my "date" typing. I probably should say something. I took a breath and started typing again.

"I don't really know," I said at last.

"I know how you feel," he said. Does he now?

"Do you though?" I wrote.

"Yeah," he said.

"You're making that up."

"I wish I was."

I was about to type when he added more.

"Trust me, I do," he wrote. I leaned back in my chair. Okay then. So he's stuck too. So he is human. Why am I thinking like that? Am I really that lonely and desperate? What is wrong with me?

"Josie!" I heard from downstairs.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You want fish or pizza for dinner?" mom asked.

"It doesn't matter!" I said. "Just pick something."

"Okay!" she said. I turned back to the screen. Lately, mom has been trying to cook. I don't know why. It's a bit weird. I keep meaning to ask her what changed. That's when I noticed my "date" wrote something to me. I almost laughed to myself. The beach, huh? He's joking, right?

"Oh, don't do this to me," I wrote back. He insisted. Promised me to make it worth my while. I finally said yes. What else was I supposed to do? What else was I going to do? He's been so nice to me. He hasn't tried to act creepy around me. He hasn't tried to sleep with my avatar. (I don't cyber. I'm not that desperate.) He's just been so nice. Nice without any motives.

"Can we spend the whole day there?" I typed.

"Sure," he wrote back. I dropped my shoulders.

"Thank you," I typed. A strawberry cheesecake appeared on the table. My avatar picked up her spoon and started to eat. I'll bet it's pretty good.

----------

Mom and I ate together at the table. Ha. That's rather rare. Even before the world went to shit, we never ate together. I usually ate alone. Mom worked late nights. Even now, we don't eat together. Tonight, I eyed her.

"So... how is it?" she asked. I bit down into the fish and started chewing.

"Fine," I said. I took another bite.

"Do you mean that?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. I looked up at her. "When did you decide to start cooking?" My mom shrugged.

"Just felt like it," she said.

"Why?" I asked. "You've never cooked for yourself." Mom frowned at me.

"I'm trying here," she complained. "I can't do takeout anymore, you know? And I'm sick of microwave!" I put up my hands.

"Okay, okay," I said. "I understand. Geez." I took another bite of my fish.

"Thank you," mom huffed. She took a bite for herself.

"Mom," I said.

"What?" she asked. I lowered my fork.

"Where are we going to go if the forest eats the block?" I asked. Mom's hand trembled.

"I don't know," she said in a trembling voice.

"I want to go to the beach," I said. Mom looked up at me.

"We can't do that, baby," she said.

"Can't we go to Hawaii or Brazil?" I asked.

"I don't know," mom said. Her voice was trembling by this point. "I don't know. I do not know."

"Mom?" I asked.

"Stop it!" she shouted. I closed my eyes as I closed my mouth. Mom took a breath.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Can we not talk about this? Please?" I didn't say a word as she took another bite of her fish.

"This is really good," she said to herself. I watched her eat in silence. We didn't even talk anymore after that. I should've known that she would've said something like this. Why did I even bother to ask? She's just as desperate as ever. What was I thinking asking her such a heavy question? I had to force myself to finish my dinner. I left the table without saying a word when I was finished.

Suddenly, a day on the virtual beach showed so muchbetter.