18/02/09

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Dear Katie...

Truth is I'm crazy Katie. Writing to a dead person. Pretending you're still alive, as if you're just about to stick your head round the banister and ask me for a cup of tea. Like I'm going to walk into the front room and you'll be there, with Ella and Jamie on the carpet, playing some beautiful came with the toy animals...your slender, winding fingers grasping lightly around Ella's hand...your mesmerising smile dancing joyfully around the room...

Oh who the fuck am I kidding. You're gone. My heart knows it but my head doesn't. You told me that you  weren't going to guilt me, yet I feel like your death had hit me in the back like a bus. Yeah we were fighting practically every night, but I never thought that asking to split up would result in...this! 

They didn't tell me how you died. Just called it suicide. Didn't even tell me where they found you. But I know you never went to your sister's. You know I rang her up after I opened that godforsaken fucking letter, begging her to tell me where you were. "Aaron, Aaron hang on! Wait you and Katie split up? And you just let her bloody leave you fucking idiot?! Well she sure as hell ain't here, and you're telling me she's gonna kill herself? You better fucking find her or you'll have me breathing down your neck, you jerk!", yeah she went pretty mental. Suppose she never really liked me anyway?

I didn't expect much when the police turned up at my door with sorry faces. They confirmed what I thought, and I may be too manly to properly admit, but fuck Katie I cried buckets. Poor Ella and Jamie, they didn't understand what the hell was going on. Don't worry, I sent them to live with my parents for a couple days. They're coming back tomorrow. Then it's the funeral in a week, which I suppose should be interesting. I mean, your family is gonna fucking hate me. 

I don't feel like I can write much more for now. I feel like you're even reading this over my shoulder, like you always used to when I had to email business dicks from work. You were like my little Katie parrot. 

Well I best go, I'm getting pretty hungry. Even though I've been hungry for days.

I love you too my Angel Katie.

Love from,

Aaron xx 

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