Enduring Pain

Sitting here at a caffe in the middle of the most alive cities in the world trying to clear your mind after everything that happened to you in the past few days isnt quite helping nor relaxing , but what can you do if you live in Beirut , Lebanon . I watched as people walked in the busy streets either chatting or walking alone . I watched their faces and got jealous from the happy and satisfied expressions , because I can't seem to have them these days , why ? its a small word but when it is  asked - especially when you feel life is against you - it is hard to express why .

I sipped at my coffee and looked at it as I started to remember what happened an hour ago and tried to figure out a solution .

an hour ago ( flash back )

" you can't control my life ! " I shouted at my 25 year old  brother who was ready to attack me .

" I am just trying to protect you !  plus you can't ruin our reputation !  Our dad is the Head of the union workers in beirut , all beirut knows him " he looked at me in the eyes almost burning them with his .

" I know ! I feel angry too , but he is messed up in his head , he has anger issues or jealousy issues ! I don't know , but that is not a reason for you to - "  and then I felt a slap on my face , did he slap me ?

I can't believe it ! my own brother slapped me ! because of what ? 

because of my stupid boyfriend or should I say ex boyfriend . I didn't know his jealousy would take him this far . yes he shouted at every single boy that looked at me , and yes he didn't let me talk to any boy or even say hello , but I always saw the good side of him , the side that loved me and took care of me , the side that made me happy every time I am sad  . He was a little bit dominant but I guess I didn't realize that because I was too blinded by his love , the love he showered me with . But what he did today was like a slap on the face - other than the one that my brother gave me - to wake up and escape from his shell . what he did today was really bad , he saw me with a guy walking in the street and that guy is just an old friend from school i saw him and we decided to catch up , so the minute he saw us he ran toward us and punched the guy in the face , i guess he broke every bone in his body and he didnt stop as he kept punching him , i tried to break them apart but there was no use ... when he did that i knew he had issues and he needed help  ..the next thing that happened is that some people gathered around and one of them called the  police and  we explained what happened and i called my brother to come and take me and there where he got more mad than he already is because the stupid cop decided to  ask him this question that caused more problems

" are you mikes' son ? you look exactly like him " the cop told him looking at his face .

" yes iam his son " my brother said not even looking at his face .

" i didnt know mike browns' son and daughter would be at a police station " the police said clearly amused .

my brother glared at me and then we drove back home

end of flashback

i finished my coffee and then i decided to go back home . i cant run away from my problem , i have to face it and i have to face my parents and my brother . yes our life is complicated because our father is the Head of the union workers in beirut , and everyone respects him and sees him as the perfect man with perfect family and children that arent human to make mistakes ! our dad always warned us and made sure we dont make any mistake so we wont be judged  .. because god knows how everyone knows what we do .. especially the wrong things .. it is like hell . iam not saying my dad is strict .. he is the most kind hearted dad in the world .. but his job forces him to do so . and we never knew why . he always tells us that he will explain later .

i parked my car and stepped out of it as i fished for the keys in my purse , once i found it i opened the door to our house in our building and yes me and my brother still live with our parents , we used to have our own apartments back in Saida our old hometown but the case is that we moved to beirut new and we didnt have time to look  for apartments , besides , back in our hometown we used to live with our best friends in the same building but different floors and apartments ( me with layla my old best friend who she got married and traveled to Africa , i miss her alot , and my brother drake with Philip who married layla . weird huh ? " anyway  i was surprised to see my dad at home .. its only 6 pm he always comes home at  7 pm , but i guess since my mom is out of town  visiting my grandma because she is sick he came home early  .. i entered the living room and greeted my father .

" hey dad " i smiled at him as i kissed his cheek .

" hey sweetheart or should i say my bad daughter ? " he looked at me trying to sound angry but then he cracked a smile .

" dad iam so sorry i didnt know it would go this far and its not my fault plus iam going to kill drake  ... "  i started explaining to him non stop .

" hey hey calm down iam not blaming you , i mean you didnt mean to cause this i just want to tell you to be careful , and you cant kill your brother because he is not the one who told me " he said as he leaned back on the sofa looking at the ceiling .

" then who told you ? " i said confused.

" the cop did " he said looking from the ceiling at me .

" dad iam sorry , i promise to be careful this time . but why every mistake we do it affects your job and how news gets delivered to you this quickly ? " i asked pleeding him with my eyes to tell me . Every time we ask him he tells us its not the right time . 

" i will tell you honey , but now is not the right time to tell you " he said as he stood up and walked to his room probably to change his work outfit .

i walked to my room and changed my clothes too into some pink pijamas and sat on the bed playing with my phone , after an hour the door of my room opens and my brother comes in .

" what do you want ? and didnt you learn  to knock ? " i asked as i glanced at him angerly . i can still feel his slap . it hurts .

" iam sorry i didnt mean to - "

" save it , i wont forgive you " i said as i kept rolling in the news feed on facebook on my phone .

" dina , you have to listen , iam sorry iam really sorry , but you know this will affect me too because i work with your father and i dont want you to get affected too  . " he explained but i didnt look up at him and i didnt answer .

" stop acting like a little kid , you are 23 years old " he raised his voice a little then sighed as he approached me and sat at the edge of my bed next to me . " iam sorry dina "

" i forgive you , i cant stay mad at you forever , and i forgot you started to work with my father because today was your first day " i said as i looked at him and tried to smile but failed .

" iam glad you forgive me but still you need to be punished " he said with a smirk .

" what ? " i said confused as he started tickling me and i screamed and laughed at the same time .

" st-t-top i c-c-ant breathe ahhhhh haha "

" okay okay sis , i love u " he said as he got up ready to leave .

" yeah , love you too " and then he left .

i decided to read a little and then go back to sleep , its already 8:30 pm and i have to go to the new job i got yesterday at 8:30 . plus i have to deal with my boyfriend or ex boyfriend tomorrow i defintly need to break it up , i seem very cool with it but at the inside my heart is broken into million pieces but i have to be strong , i cant continue with him like that and its only  month since me and him got together and iam damn sure he will not be all happy and joyful . iam surprised though , because i didnt see him at the police station when my brother came . maybe he was afraid to face him ?  nooo he fears no one ! or did he leave quickly ?  i will ask him tomrrow when i tell him i want to see him . And its weird he didnt call or text . i decided to forget about him tonight and read till i fall asleep .

Note

it's the first chapter . hope u like it !! and in the second chapter i will tell u more about me and the story . but first please comment and give me your opinion . it means a lot .. your comments are my motivation . love u ...