𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 [a rini au]

eighty-nine

she couldn't help herself.

they always tell you to shy away from the memories after a breakup. avoid looking at old pictures, refrain from driving past your frequented locations, skip your favorite songs. but, this wasn't a breakup, so that was nina's pathetic justification for her actions on the grueling drive back to salt lake city.

she took the backseat on the way home, partially so she could sprawl out if wanting to nap, but primarily so she could hide her phone screen from her friends. as she leaned against the car door, knees curled to her chest due to her seatbelt's absence, nina scrolled through her snapchat memories and camera roll. the girl would find herself pausing on every still that contained ricky bowen, ensuring the security of her air pods before playing any video. her mind whirled, mixtures of curses and sweet nothings swimming through her head as she associated every moment with a specific memory.

why did he even ask me to take this? i told him i liked the blue baseball tee better than the red. if he wasn't gonna take my advice, why did he want me to document it? speaks to his character, though. guess i should've seen that coming.

oh my god, i forgot about this! i bet he doesn't even know this video exists. i'm such a sly recorder. ugh, i could listen to him sing all day.

wait, we both look so good in this, what the heck. he thought golden hour was stupid. please. men are what are stupid. but his curls look so cute.

was this from the hike? no, the park picnic. yeah, that. he was lowkey so annoying that day. he is annoying, who am i kidding. what a dick.

sleep had been calling her name the entire car ride, but as kourtney and ashlyn dozed off while ej struggled to keep his eyes open behind the wheel, nina was surprisingly attentive. the memories stimulating her brain were enough to keep her wide awake until she realized they were now driving down ej's street. nina quickly shut her phone off as a sharp right turn into his driveway brutally awoke the other two girls. as they grumbled to announce their distaste for ej's driving, nina kept to herself until spoken to.

once the group entered ej's home, got ready for bed, and settled in on their assigned sleeping surfaces for the night, nina laid on the basement couch with her eyes pried open. what she couldn't answer was why she was so bothered. sure, the boy seemingly shattered their friendship, but it wasn't like they were dating. they kissed once. people spontaneously kiss all the time. it was meaningless.

nina did come to a conclusion, however. she decided it was only if he made the effort to move on with someone else that she would continue to be upset. luckily, though, if she was confident in anything, it was that he hadn't seemed to express romantic interest in anyone other than her perhaps. sure, he had his girl friends, gina porter being one of them, but nina unfortunately still had an infinitesimal amount of trust in him that was begging her to be naive. it was simply who she was.

evident by her coping mechanisms, she was a girl that could never fully let go.